


Friends. Just Good Old Friends.

by alllove



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-25 19:41:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30094134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alllove/pseuds/alllove
Summary: Spencer and Reader start a friends with benefits arrangement but the lines between the two quickly become blurred. Who will fall first? How will they deal with it?
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 12
Kudos: 48





	1. Don't Talk

“Ugh, it is so hard to find a good guy,” Emily said, clearly frustrated. 

“I know. Sometimes I feel like I got the last good one,” JJ laughed. 

Emily smiled at her. “Honestly, sometimes I think the same thing.”

“That’s why I just go for good sex,” you said. 

“Don’t you want a relationship?” JJ asked. 

“Sometimes, but with our jobs and the lack of decent men… I’ll settle for good sex,” you laughed. 

“There’s even less guys for good sex,” Emily said, smiling. 

“You’re not wrong there,” you said. 

You saw Spencer walk into the bullpen, nose in a book. 

“Hey Spence,” you said. 

“Hey,” he said, looking up from his book at all of you. “What are you guys talking about?”

JJ looked at you and Emily with an eyebrow raised. 

“We’re talking about guys,” Emily settled on. 

“Guys? What about them?” Spencer asked. 

“We’re talking about how there’s a very limited pool of eligible bachelors who also know how to satisfy, someone, if you catch my drift,” you said, smiling. 

“Satisfy? Are you guys talking about sex?” Spencer said. 

“Look at you 187, reading between the lines,” Emily laughed. 

You smiled up at your friends who were sitting on your desk as you leaned back in your chair. 

“Who’s having sex?” Morgan asked, walking into the bullpen. 

“Clearly not you,” you laughed. 

“Joke’s on you kid, I got some good last night,” he smirked. 

“Oh really?” You asked, raising your eyebrows. “What’s her name?”

“Ella. Emma. Something like that,” Morgan said. 

He paused when he saw all of you staring at him. 

“You don’t remember her name?” Emily asked. 

“It was a long night… I didn’t know her that well,” Derek said. 

You turned to Spencer as Emily and Morgan argued. 

“See… limited pool,” you whispered. He smiled at you and you smiled back before turning to watch your coworkers argue again. 

“Well, when’s the last time you had sex Prentiss?” Morgan asked. 

“That is none of your business,” she laughed. 

“What about you pretty boy?” Morgan said, turning to face Spencer. 

“Oh, I don’t know. It’s hard to find someone sometimes,” he said. 

“Right… and you short stuff?” Derek asked, making fun of the fact that he was currently towering over you. 

“Hmm, last time I had sex? Two night ago. Last time I had good sex? Months,” you quipped. 

Derek smiled at your response. “And what was the guy’s name?” He raised his eyebrows expecting you to be unable to recall. 

Instead, you stood up from your chair, walked over to him, looked him right in the eyes and uttered the name. “Derek.”

You heard the entire bullpen oohing at your response to him. You smirked as you sat back down. 

“Very funny,” he said. 

“Agents… your paperwork?” Hotch said from his office. Everyone’s heads shot up to meet his before you all dispersed to, you know, do your jobs. 

A couple minutes later, Morgan walked back over to your desk and stood next to you. “You know, if you want good sex, I know someone,” he said. 

“Oh really? And what’s their name Morgan?” You asked, expecting him to say himself. 

“Reid,” he whispered. 

“Oh ha ha very funny,” you said. 

“I’m serious. I’ve shared a wall with the guy on cases before. He knows what he’s doing,” Derek said. “Just something to think about.” He shrugged and walked away. 

You turned to look at Spencer, sitting at his desk. You’d never admitted it before but, you found him incredibly attractive. The way he furrowed his eyebrows and licked his lips when he was thinking, the way his voice sounded when he was trying to intimidate someone, the way his hands would feel around your neck. 

You snapped yourself out of it, returning to your paperwork. You didn’t know it, but Derek watched you squirm and consider the thought of you and Spencer together. He smiled to himself before getting back to his file. 

***

“You guys wanna go to a bar?” Emily asked. 

“Why’s that? You hoping to actually meet a good guy?” You asked. 

“Funny, but no. I’m hoping to forget the fact that I can’t meet a good guy,” she replied. 

“Okay, I’ll go,” you said. 

“Excuse me, I am there,” Penelope said, walking down the hallways. “I haven’t seen you guys all day; I’m coming.”

“I think I’m gonna sit this one out. I wanna spend some time with Will and the kids,” JJ said. 

“Single ladies’ night it is,” you laughed. 

“Whoa whoa whoa, I’m not invited?” Derek said, walking by. 

“Sorry, no invites for people who don’t remember their partners’ names,” Emily said. 

“Funny, but who’s gonna drive while you’re getting wasted?” Morgan asked. 

Emily sighed in defeat. “Fine. You can come but only because you’re driving.”

“What about you Reid? You coming?” Morgan asked. 

“Hello, I thought we said ladies’ night plus a driver,” you said. 

“What’s the matter pretty girl?” Derek asked. He leaned closer to you. “Afraid of what might happen?”

You narrowed your eyes and looked at him while he matched you. Eventually, you broke. 

“Nope, nothing. He can come,” you said. 

“What do you say Spence?” Emily asked. 

“Uh, sure. I’ll go,” he said. 

Morgan winked at you before grabbing his bag to head out. 

***

“You guys wanna play a game?” Penelope asked. 

“What game Garcia?” Emily asked. 

“We could play never have I ever,” she said. 

“I’m gonna need more of those before I agree to that,” you said, pointing at the shots on the table. 

“You got it,” Morgan said, getting up to order more. 

Once he brought them to the table, you took three of them and drank them so fast, Emily and Penelope didn’t even see where they went. 

“Okay, I’m ready,” you said. You grabbed your sipping drink and nudged Spencer with your elbow. “You ready?”

“Yeah, I’m ready,” he said. 

“Okay, never have I ever thought about sex with a coworker,” Emily said. 

Penelope drank. So did you. And surprisingly, so did Spencer. 

“Hold on, I’m gonna need explanations for this,” Emily laughed. 

“I second that. Spill,” Morgan said. 

“I have no shame. I’ve thought about what my chocolate thunder would be like in bed, but now I wonder if he’d even remember my name,” Penelope said. 

“Aww babygirl, I’d never forget your name,” Derek laughed. 

“What about you two?” Emily asked. 

You felt your cheeks get slightly red, not from the alcohol, but from the fear. You had no problem admitting you’d thought about Spencer that way, but if he hadn’t thought about you the same way, that’d be awkward. 

“Ladies first,” Morgan said, egging you on. 

You squinted your eyes at him and clenched your jaw. 

“Well, let’s just sat I’ve wondered what other numbers could apply to a certain doctor,” you said. 

Spencer looked shocked. 

“Uh huh, and what about you kid?” Morgan asked. 

“I’ve uh, I’ve thought about Y/N before,” he said, mumbling. 

You ruffled his hair with your hand as he laughed a little bit. 

“Unbelievable,” Emily laughed. 

“Okay, what’s next?” You asked. 

“Ooh I’ve got one. Never have I ever had a one-night stand,” Penelope said. 

Emily drank. So did you. And again, so did Spencer. 

“Really?” Morgan asked, wide eyed. 

“What? I’m impulsive,” Spencer said. 

You all chucked a bit before you spoke. “Okay, never have I ever done friends with benefits with someone,” you said. 

Emily drank. Penelope did too, and even Derek took a sip of his water. 

“Wow guess I’m behind on the times,” you said. 

“Well, you and pretty boy,” Derek said. 

“You’ve all done it? Really? I’ve kind of just had a bunch of one-night stands,” you said. 

“You should do it. It’s great,” Penelope said. 

“Oh really, and who have you done it with Ms. Thing?” Morgan asked. 

“With this kid from college. We both started to get our first times out of the way and then it just stuck,” Penelope said. 

“Wow. Although I can’t argue with you. It is great. I did it when I worked overseas for a while and it was fun. All the sneaking around, the no strings attached,” Emily said. 

“Wow sounds like fun. I hope the sex was good at least,” you laughed. 

“Bearable,” Garcia replied. 

“Oh, mine was great,” Emily laughed. 

“You guys know me; how do you think the sex was?” Morgan asked. 

“One sided,” you quipped. Morgan gave you a look before turning to Spencer. “What about you Reid? Got any interest in friends with benefits?”

“I’ve never tried it but it sounds like fun,” he said. 

“Spencer Reid. I never would’ve taken you for a player,” you said, smiling. 

“I’m not a player,” he laughed. 

“You guys should do it,” Penelope said again. 

The tension hung in the air for a second. “I mean, not like, together. I mean you can if you want that’s your choice. I just mean, with other people, or whatever you want. This really got away from me,” she said, pushing up her glasses like she did when she was nervous. 

“Okay, that’s enough drinks for you,” Morgan said, taking the glass out of her hand. 

Your eyes shifted to Spencer for a moment before you stared at the table again. You remembered what Derek said this morning, you remember how it made you feel. 

“You guys ready to go home?” Morgan asked. 

You needed a lot more alcohol if you were going to forget tonight but the vibe had died down a little since Penelope’s indirect suggestion. You decided it was best to go home and just drink away your worries there. 

***

“Thanks for the ride,” you said to Morgan as you got out of the car. 

“Anytime. You gonna be alright getting yourself up the stairs?” He asked. 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. The alcohol kinda wore off anyway,” you said. 

“Okay,” he said. “Good night.”

“Night.”

You were halfway to the door of your apartment building when you heard a voice behind you. 

“Hey, Y/N!” Derek yelled. 

“Yeah?” You called, walking back toward him. 

“You should really think about it you know. You and Reid. I think it would work,” he said. 

“Yeah, right,” you laughed. 

“It’s not like you both haven’t thought about it,” he said. 

You looked at him for a minute. “You’re not wrong I guess,” you said. 

“Take care, Y/N,” Morgan said. 

“Yeah. You too,” you said. You started walking back to the building, intrusive thoughts clouding your brain. 

***

When you got up to your apartment, you threw your bag on the couch and went straight for the cabinet holding all of your alcohol. You grabbed some wine, popped the cork, and poured yourself a huge glass. 

You’d usually put on some TV to destress but right now, you didn’t really want any noise. You just sat at your kitchen and drank the wine down to the last drop. 

Just when you were about to go to bed, you heard a soft knock at your door. 

You walked over, eyebrows furrowed, and checked the peephole. Your insides turned when you saw who it was. 

“Spencer?” You asked. 

“Hi, uh, can I come in?” He asked. 

You swung the door open, inviting him in. You locked the door behind him and leaned against it for a second. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked. 

“I was thinking…” he said. 

“About?” You asked. 

“About us. I mean like you and me. I mean, not together, but also… kind of together,” he said. 

You bit your lip. What did he mean by that?

“Do you want to sit down?” You asked. 

He didn’t answer you with words. Instead, he just plopped onto the couch. 

“What do you mean… us?” You asked. 

“I don’t know. I think Garcia got into my head,” he said. 

“Are you talking about her friends with benefits suggestion?” You asked. 

“Yeah,” he whispered. 

“Spencer,” you started, “is that something you’d wanna do?” You asked. 

“Maybe,” he said. 

“Look, Spence, I just won’t want our friendship to be ruined, you know?” You wanted to kick yourself. Why were you turning him away before he could even address the situation?

Your body was screaming at you, pushing away the one person you know could satisfy all your needs. 

“Yeah. You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking,” he laughed. 

You chuckled a little. 

“I should probably get going,” he said. 

“Oh, right,” you said. You wanted him to stay. If it was up to your lady parts, Spencer would be in your bed, fucking you senseless. 

But you didn’t listen to those parts. You listened to your brain, the part actually meant for making decisions. 

Spencer got to the door but turned around suddenly before he walked out. “Do you think about it a lot?” He asked. 

“What do you mean?”

“You know, us. Do you think about us a lot?”

Your breathing was heavy now. Spencer shut the door, still inside your apartment. He took a few steps toward you, getting closer than you would’ve liked. 

“Because I do,” he whispered. 

He stepped even closer to you. You ran your eyes over his body. 

“I think about it too, Spencer,” you whispered. 

“What do you think about?” he said, matching your volume. 

You swallowed thickly. “I think… I think about how you would feel…” you said. 

“And?” He whispered. 

You cleared your throat. “And, umm, you feel… incredible,” you breathed. 

Your faces were inches from each other at most. You saw his eyes flick to your lips as his hand reached up to cup your face. 

“Spencer,” you whispered. 

“Don’t talk,” he said, placing his lips on top of yours. His lips felt incredibly soft. They were like marshmallows that molded to fit yours perfectly. 

The kiss was soft and passionate at first. You moved your hands to play with his hair as he brought his other hand to cup the other side of your face. The two of you moved as one as Spencer turned to shove you against the back of the door. 

He shoved his leg between your thighs as you let out a soft moan. His mouth moved to your jaw as he moved further down, leaving bruises on your neck. His hands moved, one now on your waist, the other spread out over your neck. 

Your fingers tangled themselves in his curls, your moans getting louder as you felt your arousal pooling in the fabric of your panties. 

Spencer moved his hips closer to you and you could feel him against you as you let out a whimper. 

“Spence,” you breathed. He barely lifted his head to acknowledge you. 

“Spencer, please,” you said. 

“Do you want me to stop?” He asked. You shook your head. 

“No, the opposite,” you said. “Bedroom?” You asked. 

He looked at you for a second, his eyes catching the empty bottle of wine on the table next to you. 

“How drunk are you right now?” He asked. 

“Not at all,” you whispered, shaking your head. 

Spencer smashed his lips against yours one more time before grabbing your hand and dragging you into the bedroom. He threw you against the bed, removing the jacket he was still wearing from the workday. 

You grabbed his tie and pulled him on top of you as he resumed his kisses on your neck. He stopped after a few, but only to unbutton your blouse. He ripped the buttons open, and you didn’t even care if they had broken. You just needed him on you. 

He threw your shirt to the side as you started to unbutton his, helping him out of it before tossing it to the side as well. You grabbed the belt on his pants and pulled him back on top of you as he peppered your torso with kisses. 

When he finally reached your pants, he slid them off with one swift movement. He put his mouth back on yours as you undid his buckle, his pants falling to the floor. 

“That’s gotta come off,” he breathed, pointing to your bra. You wasted no time in unclipping it and throwing it to the side as he slid your panties down. 

“God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, pausing for a moment to take in the sight before him. 

He moved to put his mouth on your breast, his fingers fondling the neglected one. Again your fingers found themselves in his hair, working their way through it as his mouth moved to the other breast. 

After leaving a few bruises, he moved his hand down to your folds, running one finger up and back down them as he coated it in your arousal. 

“God, you’re so wet,” he said. He slid one finger in as you let out a yelp. It was shortly followed by a second as his other hand climbed its way up to your neck. You felt the pressure from his hand increase ever so slightly as he started pumping his fingers in and out of you. 

Your back arched off the bed as you moaned. “Spence, fuck.” He increased his pace, sensing you were close. “Spence, I’m gonna-” 

You couldn’t even finish your sentence as your orgasm took over. You could feel yourself convulsing around his fingers before he pulled them out of you. 

You were breathing heavily as he moved to lick your remnants off of him. You pulled him back onto the bed, turning so you were on top now. You pulled down his boxers, allowing his cock to spring free. 

It looked painfully hard, and honestly much larger than you were expecting. Your eyes met his as you moved to wrap your hand around his base. You started pumping up and down as he groaned. 

After warming up, you moved to place your mouth around the tip, your tongue swirling around it a few times. 

You lifted your head, so your eyes met his.

“Only if you want to,” he said. Your gaze didn’t waver as you lowered your mouth, attempting to take all of him in. 

You felt his cock hit the back of your throat as you moved even lower. “God you look so hot,” he breathed. 

You closed your lips around him, your tongue working its way around before you pulled your mouth off of him with a soft pop. 

Your hand took your mouth’s place as you started pumping him again. “Fuck Y/N, I’m close,” he said. 

You picked up the pace, placing your mouth back over just the tip of him. He let out a loud groan as he came in your mouth, your hand working him through his orgasm. You swallowed whatever you could, and you don’t know how you did it, but nothing got past you. 

Spencer exhaled loudly as he fell back onto the bed. Your breathing was heavy as you fell back on your legs after being on your knees for so long. 

After a couple of seconds, you got up, used the bathroom, and got a small, damp cloth to clean yourself up. You got one for Spencer too and tossed it to him. 

You joined him on the bed, both of you sitting up now as you clipped your bra back on. 

“Sorry,” he said. 

“For what?”

“I didn’t really, you know, ask you if this is something you wanted,” he said. 

You turned to face him. “Spencer, if I didn’t want it, I would’ve stopped you.”

“Okay. I just wanted to make sure,” he said. 

“Thank you… for checking,” you said. “You… are unbelievably good at that by the way.”

He smiled. “Thanks. You too,” he said. 

The two of you waited in silence, catching your breath. 

“I should probably go. You know, for real this time,” he said. 

“Right,” you replied. He stood up and put his clothes on, getting ready to walk out the door. 

“Hey, do you want to maybe… I don’t know… stay?” You asked. 

“What?”

“It’s late, you know. I’m just saying… you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” you said. 

“No, I’ll, uh, I’ll stay,” he said. 

You gave him a small smile as he walked back over to the bed. 

“Are you okay if I sleep in boxers with my shirt off?” He asked. 

“Yeah sure. Whatever you want,” you said. 

He smiled at you and then climbed into your bed. You joined him after grabbing some pajamas from your drawers. 

The two of you laid in your bed, back to mattress. Eventually, you turned on your side and Spencer followed suit. He wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you closer to him, your back now against his chest. 

“Hey, Y/N?” He whispered. 

“Yeah?”

“Just to be clear, we’re-”

“Friends. Just good old friends,” you said, cutting him off. 

“Right, yeah. Friends. Good,” he replied. 

You took a deep breath as you pulled his arm a little tighter around your waist, closing your eyes to get some sleep. 

***


	2. Shh, Keep it Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> reader and spencer continue their friends with benefits arrangement... everywhere

Honestly, whatever was going on with you and Spencer was hot. The two of you basically just met up sometimes and had sex. If it was late, you’d spend the night together. 

You’d sometimes slip each other notes or signal one another to let them know what you wanted to happen. Sometimes you would position a mug on your desk a certain way. If the handle of the mug was pointing outward, that meant you were in the file room, waiting. Spencer did the same thing with his mug, and that’s how the two of you knew. 

When you didn’t use the mugs, you’d leave notes with your location, or sometimes you’d just whisper in the other one’s ear, starting your games early. 

***

“Wow someone’s chipper this morning,” Emily said. 

“What can I say, I had good sex,” you replied, winking at her. 

“Oh, did you now? Who’s the lucky guy?” Morgan asked. 

“Who’s the lucky guy indeed?” You teased, not answering his question in the slightest. 

You heard the elevator ding as Spencer walked into the bullpen. 

“Hey pretty boy,” Morgan said. 

“Morning. What’s going on?” Spencer asked. 

“Y/N had good sex last night apparently,” Derek replied. 

“Oh?” Spencer asked, with an eyebrow raised. 

You smiled at him your facial expressions slightly teasing him. 

Derek walked over to your desk and leaned against it. “So, did you do it?” He asked. 

“Do what?” You questioned back. 

“You know… friends with benefits.”

“Oh, no, I just had sex,” you said. 

“Damn, I would’ve thought you’d crack for sure,” he chuckled. 

“Gonna take a lot more than a couple of shots to break me, Morgan,” you laughed. 

“I’ll get there,” he said, walking away. 

You finished your paperwork for the file you were working on before turning your mug handle outward and getting up to go to the file room. 

About five minutes later, Spencer showed up. 

“File room?” He asked. 

“Yeah, I needed a room people wouldn’t question if we both walked out,” you said. 

“Aren’t you a genius,” he laughed. 

“I know,” you said, smiling. 

“Too bad they’re gonna notice that we’re in here for a while,” Spencer quipped. 

“Guess we’re just gonna have to be quick then,” you whispered as your hands traveled down to his pants. 

You tugged at his belt buckle, undoing it slowly so his pants would drop to the floor. 

Once they did, you made short work. You cupped his cock with your hands, feeling it grow harder under your touch. 

Spencer quickly unbuttoned your blouse, careful not to rip it off this time, before dropping your pants to the ground as well. 

You stroked his cock with your thumb through his boxers. He let out a soft groan as you moved to take his shirt off, following up by kissing every inch of his now exposed chest. 

You dropped down, lowering his boxers to reveal his throbbing cock. You pumped it up and down at a quick pace. “Fuck,” Spencer moaned. “Shit I’m close.”

You put everything you had into quickening your pace, helping Spencer ride out his orgasm as he came. 

He was breathing heavily but quickly shoved you against a wall, immediately slipping his leg between your thighs as you started to move against it. He steadied you with one hand on your waist, the other slipping under your panties as he stuck two fingers inside of you at once. 

You moaned at the sudden penetration, gripping his backside. You shuddered as you felt one of the most intense orgasms of your life, Spencer’s fingers pumping to help you ride it out. 

The two of you leaned against the wall for a minute, stopping to catch your breaths. 

“Two? Really?” You asked. 

“You said to be quick,” he laughed. 

You hit his arm, lightly, grabbing your clothes from the floor as the two of you prepared to head back to your jobs. 

Spencer’s hand reached for the knob but before he could turn it, you grabbed his tie, pulling him closer to you one more time. 

“Thank you,” you said, pressing your lips together. 

“For what?”

“For good sex,” you replied, smiling. 

He let out a small chuckle. “Anytime.”  
He poked his head out of the file room, turned around, and gave you a small nod. He slipped out the door first, and you waited a couple minutes before leaving yourself. 

You got back to your desk, smiling to yourself as you returned your mug to its original position. 

***

The next week was much like every other. You’d come back from a case and everyone had piled of paperwork on their desks. 

You decided that maybe dressing a little bit nicer for work would help you feel motivated to complete your case files. 

You wore a flowy blouse tucked into a tight pencil skirt that hugged your curves. 

You felt confident as you walked into work that morning, hoping to be productive in your outfit. 

“Wow look at you,” Morgan said. 

“Someone’s feeling motivated,” Emily laughed. 

“Yeah, well, I’m happy,” you said. 

“Happy? Wow, whoever you’re having sex with must be really good,” Morgan laughed. 

“He’s alright,” you said, smiling as your eyes shifted to Spencer. 

He didn’t look up, but you saw him smiling to himself at his desk. 

A couple minutes later, you were working intently at your desk. You didn’t even lift your head until someone slammed a cup of coffee down in front of you. 

“Hey,” Spencer said, pushing the cup toward you. 

“Hey,” you said smiling at him. “Thank you. What’s up?”

“Nothing. Just thought you could use some coffee after last night,” he said, smiling. 

“Shh, keep it down,” you said. “But… yes… last night was… breathtaking.”

“Wow, breathtaking. That’s new,” he said. 

“So is whatever you did to me last night.”

“Is that why you wore this little number?” He whispered. 

You raised an eyebrow. “You think this is for you?”

“Are you saying it’s not?”

“Do you want it to be for you, Spencer?” You asked, moving your face closer to his. 

“I think… you wore this to entice me,” he whispered. 

“Oh really? Well, what are you gonna do about it?”

He chuckled and brought his face even closer. 

He opened his mouth as if to say something and you could smell the coffee on his breath. 

You stared at his eyes, narrowing them slight and taking a deep breath. 

He close his mouth without saying anything and gave you a small pat on the back, walking back to his desk. 

You bit your lip and locked eyes with him again, shaking your head slightly as he sat back down, smiling. 

A few hours later, you got up to make a little more coffee. You turned to Spencer’s desk, planning to bring him some too. You furrowed your brows when you didn’t see him. You checked his mug but the handle wasn’t pointed outward. 

Confused, you headed to the kitchen yourself and poured two cups. Once they were made, you decided to look for Spencer. You checked the break room, the conference room, you even knocked on the bathroom door. 

When you couldn’t find him anywhere, you placed the cup at his desk and headed to the file room to grab something for your report. 

You closed the door behind you and went to the back, looking through a box. You heard something fall and instantly grabbed the gun that was holstered on your hip. 

“Hello?” You called. 

You didn’t hear anything. “Hello?” You started walking slowly around the file room. “I hope you know you’re in the headquarters for the FBI and I’m a perfect shot.”

“Don’t shoot,” a voice said. 

Spencer emerged from the shadows. 

“Spencer? What are you doing here? I’ve been looking for you for like 20 minutes,” you said, putting your gun away. 

“I came in here to get away from… stuff,” he said. 

“Is everything okay?” You asked. 

“Yeah, yeah it’s fine.”

“Spence,” you said, walking toward him, placing your hand on his arm. “Talk to me.”

He looked at you, his forehead slightly creased. His eyes moved between yours before lowering to your lips. 

He cupped your face with his hands and pulled you towards him, his lips crashing onto yours. 

You moved your hands to tangle in his hair, opening your mouth slightly, giving his tongue the space it needed to slip in. 

He pushed you against the back wall, his hands reaching down into your panties to find you already aroused. 

“You’re so wet already,” he breathed. “It’s like you came in here looking for this.”

You responded with nothing but a moan as he slipped a finger inside of you, rubbing your folds before inserting another. He moved his mouth to your neck, kissing it gently before moving down to your chest. He undid just a couple of buttons, slipping your bra straps down so he’d have access to your breasts. 

His fingers circled around one nipple, then the other, as you felt an intense please course through you while he pumped in and out of you. 

“Spence,” you whispered. “Fuck, Spencer, I’m gonna come.”

“Then come for me,” he said. You had no problem obliging to that command. He lapped up your juices with his fingers before moving to kiss your neck again. 

Your hands moved down to his pants, shimmying them off as you lowered his boxers. His cock sprang free and you started to pump it up and down as he groaned into your neck. 

You played with the tip of it as his hands moved to grab your breasts, massaging them as you attempted to tease him. 

“I’m not gonna last long,” he said. “Where do you want it?”

You paused for a second before answering. “Inside me,” you whispered. He looked at you. “I’m on the pill,” you reasoned. 

After hearing that, he had no problem giving you what you wanted. He moved to line the tip of his cock with your wet folds, teasing you a little before finally inserting himself into you. 

It took you a second to adjust to his length for the first time but once you did, Spencer moved to pound against you. 

You could feel yourself getting close again as Spencer neared his end. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna come,” he whispered. 

“Me too.”

“Come for me,” he said against your neck, and that’s all it took. 

Spencer groaned as he came inside of you and you nearly screamed his name as your insides convulsed around him. 

Your moans got so loud towards the end, Spencer had to move his hand and place it over your mouth. 

“Shh, keep it down,” he said. You bit your lip to stifle the sounds you were making. 

“Good girl,” he whispered. 

The two of you rode out your orgasms together, collapsing against the wall as you finished. 

You were both sweaty and breathing heavily. You slipped the straps of your bra up and buttoned up your blouse. 

Spencer sighed and laughed as his head hit the wall. 

“What?” You asked. 

He shook his head, still laughing. “Never wear a pencil skirt again.”

“Why not?” You asked. 

“Because if you do, I’m gonna have to fuck you into tomorrow,” he said. 

“Sounds good to me,” you whispered in his ear. You stood up, smoothening out your hair and clothes before sticking your hand out to help him up. 

“Are you gonna tell me what was bothering you now?” You asked. 

Spencer looked at you as he pulled his pants back on. You watched as you waited for him to decide on an answer. 

Instead, he tangled his fingers in your hair and roughly smashed his lips onto yours, bruising them slightly in the process. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he whispered. 

He exited the room without another word as you turned to find the box you had come in there for. 

You steadied yourself against the stack for a minute, a hand over your stomach, the other against the boxes. You shook off whatever had just happened and grabbed what you needed before exiting the room yourself. 

***

“I am so tired, I need tequila,” JJ said. 

“I feel like those don’t really go together,” Emily said. 

“I don’t even care,” JJ replied. 

“If Emily won’t go with you, I will,” Morgan laughed. 

“Hey, I didn’t say I wouldn’t go. I just said they don’t mix,” she replied. 

JJ smiled at the both of them. 

“What about you? You wanna come?” JJ asked. 

“Thanks, but I think I’m just gonna head home, watch a movie,” you said, your eyes shifting to Spencer’s. 

“What do you say pretty boy?” Morgan asked, yelling across half the bullpen. 

“Oh, I, uh, I can’t. I’m just gonna stay in and watch some Star Trek,” he replied. 

“Lame. The both of you,” Morgan replied, smiling. 

You threw a paper clip at him as the three of them headed out, Penelope following very close behind, waiting for them to notice her. 

“Star Trek?” You asked. 

“Yeah… why?” Spencer questioned. 

“Nothing, I just thought If you’re gonna watch a move… and I’m gonna watch a move…” you insinuated. 

Spencer gave you a smirk as he packed his bag. 

“My place. 10 o’clock. Don’t be late,” he said. 

“Or what? You’re gonna punish me?” You joked. 

He took a few steps closer to you and leaned in close to your ear. “You have no idea,” he whispered. 

He stood back up and gave you another smile before walking towards the elevator. 

You smiled to yourself, shaking your head slightly. You packed your bag and closed your last case file for the day. 

***

You knew it took about eleven minutes to get from your apartment to Spencer’s, which is why you knowingly got there early and you knowingly waited in your car until 10:01. 

You knocked on his door and he opened it for you, allowing you to enter. 

“10:01 doctor. What are you gonna do about it?” You smirked. 

“Nothing,” he said. 

“What? You’re not gonna do anything?” You asked, getting a little concerned. 

“Nope.”

“Okay… what movie are you watching?” 

“I’m not watching anything,” Spencer replied. 

“I’m confused. Did I come here for sex or a movie?” You asked. 

“I don’t know, what did you come here for?”

“I thought I came here for a little bit of both honestly but now it seems like I’m getting neither,” you said. 

“And does that feel like an adequate punishment?” He asked. 

You scoffed in disbelief. “You’re joking.” Spencer shook his head no. “Well played 187.”

He smirked at you before mirroring your stance. His hands were in his back pockets, just like yours, his head slightly tilted. 

“You didn’t answer my question,” he said. 

You looked in his eyes, narrowing your focus. “No. It doesn’t feel like an adequate punishment,” you said. 

You moved closer to him, moving your hands so they were running along the lapel of his suit. 

You brought your lips closer to his ear as you felt his heartbeat quicken. “I think…” you whispered, “you need to show me how bad I really was. I think you need to teach me a lesson.”

Your hands moved down to his tie as your pulled him closer to you, attempting to pull his lips onto yours. 

You stopped when you felt him grip your wrists, rendering them unable to move.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asked. 

“Misbehaving,” you whispered. 

He stared at you as you felt him beneath you. “Bedroom,” he growled. 

You smirked at him and walked into his room, him following close behind. 

He shut the door behind him and threw you onto the bed, wasting no time pulling down your panties and stripping you bare. He immediately spread your legs, his lips meeting your sensitive clit. 

You moaned and gripped the sheets as his tongue tased you. “Spence, slow down, I’m gonna come,” you breathed. 

“Oh no you won’t. Not until I allow it,” he said. 

“W-what?”

He stopped suddenly, leaving you on the verge and wanting more. 

“Only good girls get to come,” he said. He placed his mouth at your belly button, working his way up to your breasts. He removed your clothes quickly and threw them to the side, sucking on one breast, softly biting your nipple. His fingers massaged the other before he switched sides. He moved further up to your neck, bruising you all over. 

He stopped for a moment, only to remove his own clothes before his mouth was back on you. He bit the tip of your ear as he slid two fingers inside you. 

After being on the edge for so long, it wasn’t going to take much for him to get you. 

“S-Spencer please, please let me come,” you begged. 

“Not yet,” he whispered, instantly removing his fingers. 

You started to get frustrated, pulling him toward you before rolling over so you were on top. 

You pulled his boxers down and threw them to the side. You pumped his cock up and down before circling your tongue around its tip. He groaned as he shoved you oof of him and onto the bed. He gripped your wrists again, spreading your legs for him. 

“I’m in charge here,” he said. 

“I’m sorry,” you said as he teased you at your entrance. 

“You will be,” he said. 

He slipped only the tip of himself into you as he felt you expand, waiting for the rest. He inserted himself into you, slowly, inch by inch. You were barely holding on anymore. 

“Hold em back for me,” he breathed, referring to your legs. You grabbed your thighs and held on for dear life and he started to bring himself out and back in again. 

He pounded you into the bed, you digging your nails into your own thighs as you struggled with the urge to come. 

“Oh god, Spencer please.”

“Not yet.”

He continued shoving himself into you as you bit your lip in an attempt to contain your moans. 

His hands landed on your shoulders as he steadied himself against you, giving him more control over you. 

“Spence I can’t. I can’t, I’m gonna come,” you cried. 

“You can come. Come for me,” he said. 

Your body shook as you had what must’ve been the most earth-shattering orgasm of your entire life. Your moans sent Spencer over the edge as you felt him fill you up. He slid out of you after a couple of seconds, collapsing on the bed next to you, both of you breathing heavily. 

He went into the bathroom and returned with a small towel, cleaning you up. 

As he rinsed it off, you put your clothes back on. 

“Remind me to never make you angry again,” you said. 

Spencer laughed. “Was that enough punishment?”

“More than enough. You were cruel,” you said. 

“Sorry,” he replied. 

“Don’t be. It worked. That was easily the best orgasm I’ve ever had,” you said. 

He smiled at you again. “You wanna watch that movie?”

“Sure. Star Trek right?”

“We can watch whatever you planned to,” he said. 

“Nah, that’s okay. I didn’t have a plan to watch a movie,” you said. 

“Oh really,” he said with a smile. 

You smirked and winked at him as you walked out of the bedroom. 

Spencer emerged a minute later, wearing pajamas instead of his work clothes. 

“You want something to sleep in?” He asked. 

“Sure,” you replied. He threw you some shorts and a t-shirt as you changed in his living room. 

“What?” You asked when you saw him staring. 

“Nothing,” he replied. 

“You just saw me naked like two minutes ago Spencer,” you said, laughing. 

“I know, you’re just… really beautiful,” he said. 

You smiled at him. “Don’t go all soft on me now,” you said. 

He smiled as the two of you sat on the couch. He sat in the corner, his back pressed into the arm of the couch while you made yourself comfortable in his lap. 

His hand dropped to the small of your back as he subconsciously rubbed it in small circles. 

You grabbed the bowl of popcorn that was sitting on the table and started to munch on it. 

“Open,” you said. 

Spencer looked at you for a second before opening his mouth. 

You threw a piece of popcorn at him and he caught it. 

“Beautiful,” you laughed. “One more.”

He opened his mouth again but this time you threw four pieces at him instead. 

“Hey, that’s cheating!” He said. 

“I don’t think there’s a rule book for this stuff Spence,” you said, smiling at him. 

He shook his head slightly, a smile on his face. 

“Hey,” you said. He turned to face you. “What were you trying to get away from the other day, when you went to the file room?”

He paused and dropped his gaze. “Just some stuff.”

“I know that, I mean… what stuff?”

“Isn’t this supposed to have no strings attached?” He asked. 

“Yeah, but we’re still friends, Spencer. Friends talk to each other,” you said. “So, what gives?”

He sighed. “My mom had another episode the other day and it was one of the worse ones,” he said. 

You brought the hand of yours that wasn’t in the popcorn bowl down to meet his. You took his hand in yours and squeezed it slightly. “I’m sorry, Spence.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s okay. She’s back on her meds now, it just worried me, you know?”

“I know,” you said with a smile. “You wanna tell me about the physics behind Star Trek? It might make you feel better,” you suggested. 

He smiled at you and started rambling about how the physics is actually very accurate for the time and how time travel was confirmed to be impossible by Stephen Hawking, but it was also not studied in terms of the space time continuum. 

You smiled at him, laughing at the things he said, and when he finally stopped, you threw popcorn in his face. 

“What?” He asked. 

“Dork,” you smirked, poking his chest. 

He shook is head again slightly, smiling at you as you sink down and laid across the couch, placing your head on his chest. 

You both turned back to the movie as Spencer played with your hair. He turned down to look at you and smiled to himself before turning back and pulling you in close. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi here's the next chapter. thank you all so much for the love. i hope you enjoy this chapter <333


	3. You Guys Have Got to Get Better Timing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spencer and reader have a romantic dinner. is it a date? no. does it feel like one? absolutely.

Things with you and Spencer were better than ever. You went to work, you had sex, you did what you wanted. You couldn’t believe that friends with benefits wasn’t something you’d tried before. 

“Hey, Spence?” You asked, turning to face him, still wrapped in sheets from your late night encounter. 

“Hmm?”

“Do you think we should tell someone?” You asked.

“About what?”

“About this,” you said, pointing between the two of you. 

“Oh. I don’t know. Do you want to tell someone?”

“I didn’t before. The sneaking around was fun but now it seems like a hassle to lie to everyone,” you said. 

“That’s true. It used to be exciting but now Morgan interrogates me every time I come back from anywhere,” he said. 

“We could just tell a few people,” you suggested. “Not Hotch or Rossi but maybe Garcia and Morgan? Then tell Emily and JJ if we want.”

“That’s a good idea. Who gets to tell Morgan?” He asked, laughing. 

“I don’t know but whoever tells him, or Garcia is gonna have to deal with a lot,” you laughed. 

Spencer looked at you for a second and you looked back. 

“Go!” You both yelled. 

“My favorite time?” He asked. 

“The first one, duh. Mine?”

“The one from like a week ago, easily. My biggest turn on?”

“Whispering, disobedience, need I go on?”

“No,” Spencer laughed. 

“What’s mine?”

“My hands around your neck,” Spencer said bluntly. 

You rolled your eyes at him with a smile. 

“How big?” Spencer asked. 

“7 inches. Come on, give me a hard one,” you said. 

He raised his eyebrows at you and you laughed at your unintentional joke. 

“Bra size?”

Spencer faltered. 

“Wow 187… the number of times you throw it on the ground, and you don’t even know the answer?”

“Give me a second,” he said, trying to remember. 

“I’m disappointed in you,” you laughed. 

“Fine. I give up,” he said. 

“Ugh, finally I win. Good luck explaining this to them,” you said, smirking. 

Spencer laughed as he leaned back in the bed. 

The two of you had gotten used to settling arguments by asking each other superficial questions about your endeavors. It helped you get to know what the other one liked, and it allowed you to settle disputes with little effort. Spencer always beat you, but this time you’d stumped him. 

“Well are you gonna tell me?” Spencer asked. 

You scoffed. “No.”

Spencer looked at you with a hurt expression. 

“You’ll figure it out. You are a doctor after all,” you said, joking. 

Spencer smiled at you and you shook your head and you nestled yourself in the crook of his arm as it wrapped around you. 

You sat there for longer than you probably should have, the two of you just cuddling in Spencer’s bed. You were pretty sure that you fell asleep for a few minutes, bathed in the comfort of his figure. 

“I should probably go,” you said after a few hours. “It’s late.”

“Right. Yeah.”

You got up and grabbed your clothes from the floor, putting them on. 

Spencer picked at the threads on his sheets as you got dressed. 

“Spence?” You asked. “You okay?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. All good,” he said. 

“Spencer…”

“What If you didn’t?”

“Didn’t what? Leave?” You questioned. 

“Yeah,” he whispered. 

“I’ve been here all day, Spence. You really want me here longer?”

He nodded his head. “Please?”

You sighed a licked your lips, slipping your shoes off again and getting back into the bed. 

You bit your lip as you placed your head against his chest, feeling it rise and fall. 

You lifted your head, so your eyes met Spencer’s. “Is everything okay?” You asked. 

“Yeah, why?”

“I don’t know. You just seem…” you said, trailing off. 

“What?” Spencer whispered. 

You reached up to touch his temple without even realizing it. “You seem like you’re battling your own mind,” you said. 

Spencer bit his lip. He turned away from you as he shifted under your weight. You lifted yourself off of his chest, propping yourself up on your elbows. 

You furrowed your brows as you looked at him with a concerned expression. 

“Spence, I’m sorry if I said something I shouldn’t have,” you aid. 

“No, it’s not… it’s not that,” he said. 

You brought your hand to his chin, turning his head to face you. You searched his eyes for some indication of what was bothering him. 

“What is it then?” You asked. 

He looked at you with a pained expression. You didn’t know what was going on inside his head, but whatever it was, you wanted to make it stop. 

Then, his expression changed. He furrowed his brows and looked at you before jumping out of the bed. 

“Spence?” You said. “Spencer.”

He did his best to jump into his clothes and then ran out of the bedroom. 

“What’s going on?” You asked. 

“Remember that case from Ohio? The one with the abduction? We couldn’t figure out who did it and we felt bad for the parents and the mom was oddly calm about the whole thing?”

“Yeah, yes I remember. Why?” You asked. 

“She wasn’t affected because she knew her child wasn’t dead. She’s the one that took him. Her family was rich, they left her property by the shore remember?”

“We heard water on the phone call,” you remembered. 

“Call Hotch, tell him we’re on our way,” Spencer said. 

You grabbed your jacket and dialed the number as the two of you ran out of his apartment. 

***

It was a few days later when Spencer finally told Penelope and Morgan. 

Penelope nearly killed you for not telling her and Morgan… well, he was Morgan. He was, however, very supportive of it. 

The two of them had begun to cover for you any time you and Spencer needed to release some pent-up aggression. 

It was sweet of them, and it let you and Spencer do what you wanted to, a lot more often. 

***

“You guys have got to get better timing,” Morgan said. 

“Hey, I don’t control when it happens,” you said. 

“Yes. You do. That is, in face, exactly what you do,” Morgan replied. 

You smirked at him as Spencer approached your desk. 

“Hey,” you said. 

“Hey.”

“You two better not do this right now or I swear to god,” Morgan said. 

“Oh relax. Just because we talk doesn’t mean we’re gonna have sex,” you said, giving Derek’s shoulder a light push. 

You turned back to Spencer. “Right?” You asked. 

“Right, yeah sorry. No, I actually came over here for something else,” he said. 

“Work related or…” you started. 

“Not so much,” Spencer replied. 

“Beat it,” you said to Morgan, smiling while you pointed with your head. 

He shook his head in joking disappointment at both of you. 

“What’s up?” You asked Spencer. 

“You wanna get dinner tonight?” 

“Dinner?” You asked, your eyebrows raised. “Like a… like a date?”

“No, no. No, umm, like, just… dinner,” he said. 

“Okay… yeah sure. That sounds great. Maybe afterwards you can finally answer my question,” you teased. Spencer had still been unable to figure out your bra size. Every time he took it off, he was paying attention to what it had been covering, not the little label that told him the answer to your question. 

Spencer chuckled. “Maybe,” he replied. 

You laughed as he headed back to his desk. 

***

That night, you got ready for dinner with Spencer. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a casual meal between two friends who also happened to be sleeping together. 

You heard a knock on the door as you put on your second earring, running to open it. 

“Hey,” you said to Spencer, leaving the door open for him to come in as you rushed back to the bathroom. 

“Hey, I, uh, I brought you flowers,” he said. 

“Spence, I thought you said this wasn’t a date,” you said, walking out of the bathroom. 

“It’s not.”

“Aren’t flowers a date thing?” You asked. 

“Or a friend thing,” he laughed. 

You smiled at him. “They’re beautiful, Spence, thank you,” you said, taking them from him and putting them in some water. 

“So, where are we going?” You asked. 

“You’ll see. You ready?” He asked. 

“Yep, all good.” You walked out of your apartment, shutting the door behind you. 

You got into the passenger side of Spencer’s car and buckled in as he started it. 

“You look nice,” he said. 

“Thanks, but this is nothing compared to you,” you laughed. “187… more like 007.”

“James Bond?” He asked. 

“Yeah. You know, cause he’s an international spy who’s incredibly handsome,” you said. 

“So, is the relation in reference to the international spy or the incredible handsomeness?” Spencer teased. 

“Oh, just shut up and drive,” you said, hitting his arm lightly. 

He drove for a couple minutes before stopping at a pizza place. 

“Pizza sounds great right now. Good choice,” you said, getting out of the car. 

“What are you doing?” He asked. 

“Uh, getting dinner?” You questioned. 

“Just because the food is from here, doesn’t mean we’re eating here,” he said. 

“Okay genius. Where are we eating?”

“You’ll see. Now sit.”

You sat back in the car as he grabbed the boxes from inside, handing them to you before sitting himself. 

He drove a couple more minutes to a small park at the end of a road. 

“Midnight picnic?” You asked. 

“Yeah. Thought we could do something special,” he said. 

“So… like a date?” You asked. 

“More like sex in the woods but sure,” he laughed. 

“Bold,” you said. 

“I’m kidding,” he said, smiling. 

“I know silly,” you said, ruffling his hair. 

He smiled at you. “Good. Now hand me a pizza, I’m hungry,” he said. 

You handed him the top box, placing the other in the backseat as he cracked it open. 

“You know my favorite pizza but you don’t know my bra size?” You laughed. 

“Pizza is easier to guess,” he said, shrugging his shoulders with a smile. 

The two of you at pizza and laughed into the night, sitting in Spencer’s car with the roof open. You talked about his mom. You talked about your family. You talked about work and the things you’d seen. You talked about your coworkers and how lucky you were to have them as friends. 

You joked about your situation, and for a brief moment, you thought about what it would be like to have something more with Spencer. Would you drive to work together every morning? Would he take you out on dates like this? Would he shower you with love and affection?

You smiled to yourself just thinking about it. 

“What?” He asked. 

“What? Nothing,” you replied.

“What are you smiling about?”

Your eyes met his. “This. Us. You.”

“What about me?”

“Nothing,” you said. 

“I’m pretty sure it’s something,” he quipped. 

“Nope.”

“So, you’re not thinking about what it would be like to do it in my car?” He asked. 

You looked at him for a second. “You caught me,” you laughed, nervously. 

“Well?” He asked, after a second. 

“What?”

“Don’t you want that question answered?”

“Yeah… I do,” you said. You moved closer to him. 

“Good. Get in the back seat and take all of that off,” he ordered. 

“Yes sir,” you breathed. 

You instantly climbed into the back of the car, moving the box that was there to your place in the front. 

You took of your blouse and slipped out of the skirt you had been in. You even unclasped your bra before Spencer had made it to the back. 

Once he was also there, you straddled him. He took off his shirt and pants, making short work of the situation. 

You began to grind on him as he let out a soft groan. He brought his hands to your back, marking you up as you continued to move against him. 

One hand moved to play with your nipple as he used the other to steady your pace. The friction cased you to be more wet than you already were. 

He moved into a more dominant position, pulling your panties down. He ran a finger over you before sliding one inside. 

You bit down on a moan, barely able to keep from yelling as he slipped in a second finger, pumping you hard and fast. 

You slammed your hand against the window, breathing heavily and trying to steady yourself as Spencer pulled his boxers down enough for his cock to spring free. 

He lined himself up at your entrance, teasing you before looking up at you for the go ahead. 

Once it was received, he pushed all the way inside of you as you stretched to take him all in. He moved in and out of you fast and hard as his hands reached up to massage your breasts. 

“Spencer,” you breathed. “I can’t.”

“That’s okay baby,” he whispered. 

“Fuck, Spence, I’m gonna-”

“Let it out.”

You moaned as you came around him, Spencer following close behind after your orgasm sent him over the edge. 

He slid himself out of you and you fell over onto the seat next to him. 

“Never done that before,” he said. 

“Yeah,” you breathed. “Me neither.”

He turned to look at you, laughing a little. 

You laughed too as you put your clothes back on. 

“By the way… baby?” You asked. “What was that about?”

“I don’t know, just kind of slipped out honestly,” Spencer said. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was hot,” you said, winking at him. 

He smiled at you as he finished putting his clothes on. “Pizza?” He asked. 

“Oh yeah, I’m like twice as hungry now,” you said. 

“Figures,” Spencer said, laughing. 

“So, did you figure out the answer?” You asked, munching on your pizza. 

“34D.”

“Well done doctor,” you laughed. 

“I knew it the whole time,” he said. 

“Sure you did.”

“No, really, I did.”

You paused to look at him. 

“What? Then why didn’t you say it?”

“I wanted to let you get a taste of winning,” he said. 

“Oh, how kind of you,” you laughed. 

“I know,” he said, winking at you. 

“Shut up,” you said, smiling as you gently pushed his shoulder away. 

The two of you finished the pizza, joked around some more, and ultimately headed back. 

Spencer pulled the car in front of your apartment building, turning it off. 

“Well…” he said. 

“Thank you, Spence, for the food.”

“And the sex,” he added. 

You laughed at him. “Yes, and the sex.”

You looked at him for a moment. “If you want, you can come up,” you said. 

His eyes met yours and he pursed his lips. “For us to… you know?” He asked. 

“Or just to talk,” you said. “You don’t have to. I just thought…” you trailed off. 

You scoffed and shook your head. “Nevermind. It was a bad idea, forget I said anything,” you said. 

You moved to get out of the car, grabbing your bag and opening the door. Spencer grabbed your hand before you could leave. 

You turned your head to face him. 

“It’s not a bad idea,” he said. “Just let me park the car first.”

You smiled at him and gave him a small nod. You walked to the steps of your apartment, watching as Spencer drove around the side to the parking lot. 

Your eyes followed him as he drove, your heart rate picking up as a single tear rolled down your cheek. 

You couldn’t let yourself start to feel this way. If someone was going to start catching feelings, as strange as it is to say, you always thought it would be Spencer. 

You’re… you. You don’t get feelings; you have sex, and you walk away. 

As you saw Spencer walk up the steps, you quickly wiped away the tear that had fallen. 

“You okay?” He asked. 

You sniffed slightly. “Yep, all good,” you said, smiling. 

He paused before releasing his concerned expression. 

Eventually, he followed you upstairs to your apartment, leaving his shoes at the door. 

“You wanna watch a movie or something?” He asked. 

“Actually…” you started, placing your keys on the counter. “I’m kind of tired. I think… I just wanna go to bed… if that’s okay.”

You didn’t meet Spencer’s eyes. Instead, you stared at the ground, trying to keep your hands from shaking. 

He took a few steps toward you and you tried not to breathe, afraid your shaky breaths would give you away. 

He reached out and took your hands in his. “Of course that’s okay,” he whispered. 

You tried to lift your head so your eyes would meet his, but you chickened out at the last second, sniffling and swallowing thickly. 

You rubbed the bridge of your nose and tucked your hair behind your ear before walking into the bedroom. You quickly got yourself ready before heading into the bathroom to brush. 

After that, you climbed into bed, immediately lying down. You heard the door creak open a little as Spencer approached you. 

He didn’t say anything just yet. He just got ready, using the clothes you’d set aside for him, and climbed into the bed with you. He reached out and placed his hand on your shoulder. 

“Hey,” he whispered. “What’s going on?”

You took a deep breath before turning to face him. 

“What do you mean?” You asked. 

“I mean, what’s going on? You were laughing 20 minutes ago and now you’re…” he trailed off, 

“I’m what, Spencer? Hmm? Crying? Weak?” You asked, getting louder and angrier by the second even though you had no idea why. 

“No. No, of course not,” he said. “I was gonna say upset. What’s wrong?”

Tears welled in your eyes as you became more emotional than you thought possible. You didn’t know what to do so you let your body take over. You cupped his face with your hands, staring into his eyes before closing them and kissing him with the most force you ever had. 

He brought his hands to your wrists as he leaned in. You felt a tear roll down your face as you pulled away, keeping your foreheads together. 

“What was that for?” He whispered. 

“Because I love… everything you did tonight,” you said. 

Spencer wiped away the tear on your cheek with his thumb. 

You took another deep breath before pulling him closer to you and wrapping your arms around his shoulders. “Please, just hold me,” you whispered. 

It took him a second before he wrapped his arms around you too. You nestled your head in the crook of his neck as he did the same. You could feel his breath as he sniffed the scent of your hair. 

“Always,” he whispered. You pulled away and bit your lip as you turned so your back was against his chest. 

He pulled you closer to him, holding you the slightest bit tighter than normal. He placed a small kiss on your head as you felt his chest rise and fall against you. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys here's the next chapter! i hope you enjoy! i'm not too pleased with how this chapter ended honestly but it is what it is. it's been sitting in my brain for days and i just couldn't make it better. again sorry about the smut i am so bad at this lol. nevertheless, enjoy you beautiful people <333


	4. And What’s It Gonna Take for You to Talk to Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> reader has a date and it's not with spencer but they end up spending the night together anyway. then reader and spencer have bad timing.

The morning after your midnight picnic, you and Spencer woke up intertwined. You tried to forget about your feelings from the night before, pouring yourself into work every chance you got and only sleeping over at Spencer’s if you really needed to. 

You’d stopped having sex at your apartments so much. Instead, you did it… anywhere else. 

Places at work. Bathrooms. Bars. Anywhere you could without spending more time than necessary with him. 

He’d started to notice and had asked you about it multiple times but you just avoided the questions by kissing him senseless until he forgot about it. 

You knew he didn’t feel the same way, so you distanced yourself from him but sometimes your mind slipped and you caught yourself thinking about him. 

After a while, you decided it would just be best to date someone. You told Penelope and Morgan about your struggles and Morgan decided to set you up with a friend of his. 

***

“You ready?” Morgan asked. He’d come over to help you get ready for your first date in a while. 

“I think so,” you said. 

“Just don’t think about him. Enjoy the night.”

“That’s good advice,” you said. 

“I live by it,” he replied. 

“That’s because you have a different girl in bed every night,” you laughed. 

“True. But it works,” he said, winking at you. 

You heard your phone buzz from the other room, and you went to grab it. Your stomach flipped at the name. 

You showed Derek your phone and he looked at you like it was your decision whether or not to pick up. 

You didn’t want to seem suspicious, so you let it ring a few times before picking up. 

“Hey, Spence. What’s up?”

“Hey, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to do something tonight,” he said. 

“Oh, uh,” you said. 

“It’s fine. Forget I said anything,” he said. 

“No, wait, Spencer,” you started. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just… I have a date.”

“A date?”

“Yeah,” you said, biting your lip. “A date.”

“Oh,” he said. You scrunched your nose, imagining his face on the other side of the call. 

“Yeah, I’m really sorry,” you said. 

“Uh, no, don’t be. I hope it goes well,” he said. He immediately hung up the phone, not even giving you the change to reply. 

You sighed to yourself before turning back to Morgan. 

“Well?” He asked. 

You didn’t say anything, you just reached into your liquor cabinet, found the tequila, and took a large swig of it, almost gagging from the taste. 

***

You met your date at the restaurant. He was extremely handsome and such a gentleman. Your mind was preoccupied at the beginning, but over the course of dinner and drinks, you’d honestly started enjoying yourself. His name was Alex, and he was amazing. You’d laughed with him all night, staying at the restaurant until they kicked you out, at which time, the two of you went back to your place. 

***

“Honestly, I can’t believe someone could have such an absurd opinion,” you laughed. 

“I could say the same thing about you!”

You continued laughing as you sipped the rest wine you had poured for the two of you. 

“You know, this is the best date I’ve had in a long time,” Alex said. 

“Honestly, me too,” you laughed. 

“Derek didn’t mention how beautiful you were when he talked about you,” he said. He moved to put his hand on your thigh and your gaze dropped. 

“Listen, I’d really like to take you out again,” he said. 

You lifted your head up to meet his eyes. “I’d really like that too,” you replied. 

His eyes intensely looked at yours as he leaned in. Your breathing was short and shallow as you saw what was coming. You closed your eyes as your lips met his. You moaned slightly as you moved to straddle him. 

His hands crept further up your dress, all the way to your waist. You could feel him starting to move against you as his fingers slipped themselves into the waistband of your panties. 

You pulled away suddenly. “Sorry, umm, I just… I’m really tired, tonight,” you said. 

“Oh, no, yeah. Of course. I should head out anyway,” he said. 

You chuckled a little as you stood up, Alex following suit. 

“I had a really nice time tonight,” he said. 

“Me too.”

“I’ll call you.”

“I’ll be waiting,” you joked. He gave you a quick kiss on your cheek before heading out the door. 

You closed it behind him, leaning against the frame to take some deep breaths. 

You walked over to the kitchen where you had put your phone. 

You looked at it for a minute, then looked at the two bottles of wine you had finished, then looked at the time on the clock. 

You dialed Spencer’s number. 

You heard the phone ring multiple times before he answered it. 

“Hello?” He asked. 

“Hi, sorry. Did I wake you?”

“No. Why what’s up?” He asked. 

“Oh, good. How fast can you get here?”

“Give me 15 minutes,” he said. 

You hung up the phone, downing three full glasses of whiskey in the time it took for Spencer to show up at your door. 

He knocked and you opened the door. He had barely stepped in when you shut the door behind him. 

You didn’t give him a second before you pulled him in by his shirt, cupping his face as you brought your lips together. The kisses were rough, as if you were trying to satisfy a hunger. You didn’t come up for air, your hands just moved to tangle themselves in his hair. 

He pulled away for a second, still extremely close to your face. 

“Wait,” he said. 

“Don’t talk,” you whispered, smashing your lips together again. 

A few seconds later, he pulled away again. 

“What’s going on?”

You looked at him. “What do you mean?” You asked, moving to kiss his jaw instead. 

He grabbed your wrists with just enough force that you couldn’t fight him. 

“Ugh. What?” You asked. 

“What is happening?”

“What do you think is happening?”

“I think you’re incredibly drunk right now,” he said. 

“So?”

“So, I think you’re being irrational.”

“Oh my god, Spencer, just shut up and kiss me,” you said. 

“No.”

“What?”

“I said no. I’m not gonna take advantage of you when you’re clearly under the influence.”

“It’s not taking advantage if I’m asking for it,” you said. 

“It is if you’re not yourself.”

You stared at him for a second. “Spencer, just fuck me, okay? Can you do that? Can you shove me against a wall and bruise the hell out of me?”

He shoved you against the wall. You didn’t think he would, but he did. He had your wrists pinned with his hands as he stared into your eyes. Both of you were breathing heavily and you were so close, you could feel his lips brush against yours. 

He stood like that for a second before letting go of you and backing away. 

“No. But I’ll tell you what I will do,” he said. 

“Oh goody, the party pooper’s arrive.”

“You are going to take a shower and go to bed. I am going to make sure that happens, and then I’m going to go home. Got it?”

Your chest was heaving as you controlled your hurricane of emotions. 

“Fine.”

“Good,” Spencer said. You walked to the bathroom to hop in the shower, Spencer helping to clean your apartment. 

You were kind of surprised you didn’t fall over. There were definitely close calls and Spencer had to rush over every once in a while, waiting outside to see if you needed help, but you didn’t fall. 

When you came out of the bathroom, you were in pajamas. You walked over to the alcohol, reaching for the whiskey before hearing Spencer clear his throat. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asked. 

“Drinking,” you said. 

“Uh, no. You’re going to bed.”

“Yeah… after a drink,” you said, matter-of-factly. 

Spencer walked over to you and took the bottle out of your hands. 

You quickly drank what you had poured as he put the bottle away. 

“Did you just drink that?” He asked. 

“Gotta be quicker 187,” you said. 

“Are you gonna tell me what’s going on?”

“What’s there to tell?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asked,” he said. 

“Can I have the bottle back now?”

“No, you cannot have the bottle back,” he said. 

“Well, if you won’t fuck me then I need another form of release,” you said bluntly. 

“Alcoholism is not a form of release,” he said. 

“I’m not an alcoholic Spencer,” you said, rolling your eyes. 

He didn’t say anything for a minute. He just watched your expression change from annoyance to… well… nothing. 

You didn’t feel anything right now, and so your face wore an expression that said the same. 

“What’s it gonna take for you to go to bed?” He asked. 

“About four more glasses,” you replied. 

“And what’s it gonna take for you to talk to me?”

“About four more bottles,” you said. 

He sighed. “I’ll make you a deal. If you win, you can have another glass. If I win, you go to bed,” he said. 

You looked at him, pondering his solution. “Deal.”

“Okay. Go,” he said. 

“My favorite position?” You asked. 

“Missionary. My favorite pair of lingerie?”

“The black one. Best orgasm?”

“Two weeks ago,” he said. 

He didn’t say anything else. 

“Aren’t you gonna ask a question?”

“Yeah… but it’s not the typical question,” he said. 

“Well, whatever it is, get on with it. I want my drink,” you said. 

“Last time you loved someone?” He asked. 

Your eyes shot up and met his as you clenched your jaw. Your hands curls into fists as you cracked your neck. 

“You win,” you said. You walked into the bedroom, shutting the door behind you. 

Spencer sighed to himself in the kitchen. He didn’t know if you’d answer the question, but he was hoping you’d forfeit and go to bed. You played right into his hand. 

After a couple minutes, you heard the door open, and Spencer came in, sitting at the edge of the bed. 

“You were right,” you said. 

“About what? I’m right about a lot of things,” he said with a smile. 

“About everything. As usual. I don’t know what got into me,” you said. 

“It’s okay,” he said. 

“What’s wrong with me?” You asked yourself. 

“Nothing,” Spencer said, brushing your hair out of your face. 

He paused for a minute. “How was your date?”

“It was surprisingly good actually,” you said. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I think I’m gonna see him again,” you said. 

Spencer looked down at his hands. “That’s great. But… if the date went well, why all of this?” He asked. 

You shook your head. “I don’t know. I guess… a part of me just knows that he isn’t what I want,” you said. 

“And what is it that you want?” Spencer asked. 

Your eyes met his before you quickly looked away. 

“You should go. It’s late,’ you said. 

He looked at you. 

“Thank you,” you said. 

He nodded his head. “No problem. What are friends for?”

***

The next morning, you woke up hungover as hell. Even the streetlamps that lined the parking lot below you were too bright. 

You heard your phone ring and groaned as you reached an arm out, feeling around for the cause of the loud noise. 

“What?” You answered. 

“Good morning to you too,” Spencer laughed. 

“Sorry,” you grumbled. 

“It’s okay,” he said. You could practically hear the smiles through the phone. “How you feelin?”

“Like death.”

“Sounds about right. I just called to check in,” he said. 

“That’s sweet. Thank you,” you replied. 

“Of course. Just sleep it off tonight and stay away from that bottle of whiskey.”

You rolled your eyes even though you knew Spencer couldn’t see you. 

“Everything hurts,” you said. 

“I know. Honestly, I debated coming over but I didn’t know if the sound of your phone ringing or getting out of bed was worse,” he laughed. 

“Good choice,” you said. 

You heard Spencer let out a chuckle on the other end. 

“But… I wouldn’t have minded opening the door for you,” you said. 

Spencer paused for a moment. “Thanks,” he said with a little laugh. 

There was a bit of silence before either of you spoke. 

“So, I’ll see you at work tomorrow?” You asked. 

“Yeah. Sounds good,” Spencer replied. 

“Okay. Bye.”

“Bye.”

You hung up the phone and threw it next to you again, falling right back onto the mattress. 

***

Work the following day was light, and you were thankful for it. Your head still hurt from two nights ago and it’s a miracle you were still alive. 

“Hey princess,” Moran said. 

“Hey,” you replied. 

“He call you yet?”

“No, not yet,” you said. 

“He will.”

“I don’t know, Morgan. I was confident that night but… not so much now,” you said. 

“Three-day rule kid. Give him another day,” he said, ruffling your hair. 

You smiled at him before finishing your coffee and getting up to make more. 

“Refill?”

“Spence, you scared me,” you said, looking up to see Spencer standing with two cups of coffee. 

“Sorry,” he said. 

“No, it’s okay. Thanks,” you said. 

“How’s your… everything?” He asked. 

“Oh great. Head still hurts but I’ll live,” you said, supping your coffee. 

“Hey, listen, I was wondering if you wanted to maybe meet up tonight?” He asked. 

You swallowed your coffee and bit the inside of your cheek before nodding. “Mhm, sure.”

“My place? 8 o’clock?” He asked. 

“I’ll be there,” you said, smiling at him, 

You got up out of your seat and took a little walk outside to clear your head. When you heard your phone ringing, you didn’t know if you were happy or sad at the sight. 

“Alex?”

“Hey,” he said. 

“Hi, how are you?” You asked. 

“I’m good, I’m good. Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight. Maybe 8?”

Your heart fluttered. Spencer would understand right? It’s not like you guys were in a relationship. You could cancel sex, there were no strings attached. Right?

“Yeah, 8 sounds great,” you said. 

“Oh, nice rhyme,” Alex laughed. 

“Oh," you giggled. “I didn’t even realize.”

“That’s what I like about you,” he said. 

You blushed, glad that he couldn’t see it. “I’ll see you at 8,” you said. 

“Can’t wait.”

You smiled at his rhyme before hanging up the phone and heading back inside. 

***

“Someone’s smiling,” Morgan teased. 

“Shut up,” you said. 

“So?” He asked. “Did he call?”

“Not that it’s your business… but… yes. He did call,” you said. 

“Pretty lady going on a second date. When was the last time that happened?”

“Shut it. I’m actually excited,” you said. 

Morgan smirked at you. “So, when is it?”

“Tonight. 8 o’clock,” you replied. 

“You have a date tonight at 8?” A voice asked. 

You whipped your head around to see Spencer standing there. You didn’t smile at his rhyme. 

“Oh, yeah, Spence, I was just coming to tell you,” you said. 

“I guess our plans are off then huh,” he said. 

“I’m sorry,” you replied. You turned to Morgan as he opened his mouth as if to say something before deciding against it. 

You turned back to Spencer and exhaled. 

“No, it’s uh, it’s fine. Have fun,” he said. He turned to walk away, heading straight for the bathroom. 

“Spencer, wait,” you said, chasing after him. 

He beat you to the men’s bathroom and you weren’t just about to walk in there. Instead, you stood outside knocking for god knows how long. 

“Spencer, come on, I’m sorry,” you said. 

Nothing. 

“I couldn’t reschedule,” you reasoned. It wasn’t entirely a lie, no other night really worked, but the truth was, you didn’t even try. 

Nothing. 

“Spence, please talk to me,” you said in a small voice. 

You’d been outside the bathroom maybe twenty minutes now when you decided that Spencer just didn’t want to talk to you. 

You gave up and went back to the bullpen, passing by Hotch’s office. 

“What have you been doing for the last hour?” He asked. 

You didn’t even realize it had been that long with your walk and you trying to talk to Spencer. 

“Sorry, I was just… dealing with personal issues,” you said. 

Hotch raised an eyebrow at you. “I’m sorry, Hotch. I’m getting back to work right now,” you said. 

He nodded his head at you, his eyes warning you not to lie again. 

You walked back down to the bullpen and sat at your desk, opening your case files. 

“You seen Reid?” Emily asked, walking by your desk. 

“No.”

“Oh, weird. Okay, thanks.”

She took a few steps before turning back towards you. 

“Aren’t you worried about where he is?” She asked you. 

“Nope.”

“Because you already know where he is, or because you don’t care?”

You put down your case file and looked her in the eyes. 

“He’s in the bathroom. Maybe you’ll have better luck.”

“Right… thanks,” she said. “And, hey, I don’t know what’s going on right now but… just talk to him. It’ll work itself out.”

You gave her a small smile before turning back to your file. 

***

The workday came to a close pretty quickly after that. 

Before you knew it, it was 5 o’clock and you were rushing out to get ready for your date. 

“Where you goin short stuff?” Derek asked. 

“I’m getting ready for my date stupid,” you replied. 

“I know, I’m just messing with you. Have fun and don’t drink too much wine,” he said. 

“Oh yeah, we all know what happens when you drink too much wine,” Emily said, laughing as she walked by. 

“You guys are so mean to me,” you whined. 

Morgan laughed. “Have fun kid.”

“Yeah, let me know how it goes. Maybe he has a brother I could date,” Emily said. 

You smiled at your friends before leaving to go home. 

***

You were almost ready for your date. You were drinking a glass of wine to calm down. Strangely enough, you weren’t nervous about your date, you were nervous about Spencer. 

You bit your lip and looked at your phone, debating whether or not to call him. 

The wine got to you before common sense did and you grabbed your phone. You dialed his number, honestly not expecting him to pick up. 

It must’ve been the last ring when you finally heard his voice. 

“Hello?”

“Hey… how are you?”

“I’m fine,” Spencer said. 

“Listen… I’m, uh, I’m sorry… about earlier,” you said. 

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I was thinking… I should be back around 11. Do you… wanna come over… maybe?” You asked hesitantly. 

“Y/N… I don’t want to interrupt your date. Besides, the more serious things get… the less we can meet up,” he said. 

“I know, I know. But… it’s just a second date, and you won’t be interrupting, I promise.”

“You sure?” He asked. 

You bit your lip before answering. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Okay, I’ll see you at 11,” he said. 

“Can’t wait.”

You hung up the phone and took a deep breath. You finished the glass of wine and waited for Alex to show up. 

It was a couple minutes before you heard a soft knock at the door. 

“Alex, hi,” you said. 

“Hey, I, uh, brought you some flowers,” he said. 

You took them from his hand and instantly smelled them. “Oh, they’re perfect, thank you. Here, come in, let me put them in water real quick,” you said. 

“Nice place,” he said, stepping inside. “I didn’t really get to look around last time.”

“Oh,” you laughed. “Yeah.”

You cleared your throat and put the flowers in water before turning back to him. 

“Okay, all good,” you said. 

“Great. Let’s go,” he said, reaching his hand out. 

You smiled and took his hands, locking your door behind you. 

***

“I can’t believe you did that,” Alex laughed. 

You stumbled into your apartment. “You dared me to!”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d actually do it!”

The two of you collapsed on the couch laughing. “Honestly, if I didn’t have the amount of alcohol in me that I do, I wouldn’t have,” you said. 

“Red wine really gets you huh,” he said. 

“Yeah but it takes a couple glasses,” you smiled. 

“You only had 3 at the restaurant.” 

“Yeah, but I had 2 before that,” you said. “I got nervous.”

“About what?”

“About you,” you said, lying through your teeth. 

Alex smiled at you and took your hands in his. 

“Hey,” he said. “Don’t be nervous. I’m crazy about you.”

Your heartbeat quickened as your mind ran through the different possibilities of how to react. Eventually, you decided on what was probably the worst course of action. 

You grabbed his face with your hands and pressed your lips to his. He kissed you back with an intensity you’d only felt a few times before. 

The two of you started to move closer to the bedroom, tearing each other’s clothes off. Alex moved to kiss your neck, softly bruising it before moving further down to your breasts. 

You both stopped suddenly when you heard a knock at your dor. 

You furrowed your brows and turned to look at the clock next to you. 11:00. 

“Shit,” you breathed. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just… stay here. Don’t move,” you said. 

You threw on a robe and quickly went to answer the front door. 

“Hey,” you said, opening it. 

“Hi,” Spencer said. 

You instinctively reached up to cover your neck with your hand. 

“You okay?” He asked, referring to your constant moving around. 

“Yep, yeah, mhm,” you said. 

“Okay,” he replied, stepping in. 

You closed the door behind him. 

“Look, I really need to tell you something,” he said. 

“Yeah, what’s up?”

He looked at your eyes for a second and licked his lips as if trying to collect his thoughts before speaking. 

“I… I think I’m…” he started. 

Your heart was racing. 

“What?” You whispered. “You think you’re what?”

“Who is that?” He asked. 

“What?”

You turned around to see what he was looking at, or more accurately, who he was looking at. You silently wished for a lightning strike. 

“Oh god,” you whispered to yourself. 

“Umm, Spencer… this is Alex. Alex… Spencer,” you said. 

“Hey man, nice to meet you,” Alex said, sticking his hand out. 

There couldn’t have been a more awkward way for them to meet. Alex was in boxers and had no shirt on, and Spencer had just walked into your apartment in the middle of the night. 

“Uh, yeah. Nice to meet you too,” Spencer said, giving Alex a small wave. 

There was an awkward silence for a few moments as Alex pulled his hand away. 

“Well, uh, you guys are obviously busy so I’m just gonna go,” he said. 

“Spence, wait,” you said as he walked towards the door. 

“No, really, it’s fine. Have fun,” he said.

“Spencer, come on, don’t do that,” you said. 

“Don’t do what? I’m not doing anything,” he said. 

You grabbed his wrist and turned him around to face you. Your heart broke at the tears welling in his eyes. 

“Spencer, please, come on… talk to me,” you said. 

“There’s nothing to talk about. Have a nice night. Good to meet you Alex,” he said. He walked out the door and shut it behind him as you ran your fingers through your hair before turning back to Alex. 

“He seems nice,” Alex said. 

“Yeah. Listen, I… I think we should press pause. I just gotta make sure he’s okay. I’m sorry,” you said. 

“No, I get that. No problem,” he said. 

“Thank you, really, it means a lot. I’ll call you this weekend,” you said. 

Alex grabbed his clothes, quickly slipping into them before giving you a kiss on your cheek as he left. 

“Sounds great. Thanks for tonight,” he said. 

You gave him a small smile before closing the door and running to grab your own clothes and your car keys. 

You looked around the apartment, making sure there was nothing left for you to do before remembering how drunk you were. 

You put the keys down and groaned in frustration. You checked your phone battery. It was barely enough to call an Uber, but you managed to do it. 

On your way to Spencer’s apartment, you checked for your wallet before realizing you’d forgotten to grab it. 

“Oh god,” you said. 

“Something wrong?” The driver asked. 

“Yeah, look, I’m sorry. I forgot to grab my wallet. I don’t have anything to pay you with,” you said. 

“You can pay from the app if you like,” the driver replied. 

“Oh perfect,” you said. You checked your phone before realizing the little battery you’d had when you left, just went down the drain. “Actually… I can’t,” you said. “My phone’s dead.”

The driver stomped on the breaks and unlocked the door. 

“I can’t drive you further. I have actual, paying customers to attend to.”

“Yeah, go figure. Thanks anyway,” you mumbled, getting out of the car. 

As the Uber sped off, you sighed to yourself trying to figure out where you were. You were in your dress from earlier that night as it was the first thing you grabbed off your floor. 

It was cold and dark, and you didn’t have you wallet or gun or badge. Your phone was dead, and you didn’t have another flashlight. 

You felt a couple drops of rain start to fall. “Great,” you said to yourself. 

You took a deep breath and kept walking in the direction of Spencer’s apartment. 

When you finally reached his door, you were shivering and dripping wet. 

You knocked on his door, loudly. 

There was no reply. 

You crouched a little to see if the lights were on and sure enough, they were. 

“Spencer?” You called. 

Still no answer. 

“Spencer, come on. Open the door,” you said. 

You heard some movement inside. 

“Come on, please? I’m cold and I’m wet and I just wanna talk to you,” you said. 

You were starting to get more and more upset by the minute. Not because he wouldn’t answer the door, but because you’d made him feel like he couldn’t talk to you. 

“Spence, please open the door. Don’t do this,” you said. 

You saw the light under his door flicker off and you sighed. You turned to put your back against the door and slid down to the ground. 

You closed your eyes and tilted your head upwards as if that would help to stop the tears from falling. 

You sobbed to yourself silently, unaware that on the other side of that door, Spencer was doing the same thing. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys thank you so much for all the love. here's the next chapter, i hope you enjoy. you are all beautiful people and i hope you have a wonderful weekend! <333


	5. Is That Because You Miss Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bullets fly. spin the bottle is played. words are said.

You woke up in your bed the next morning. You didn’t remember how you got there but you were glad you were alive. After your late night walk last night… you weren’t too sure you would be. 

The first thing you did was call Spencer. Your heart and mind were racing with every passing ring. 

What would you say if he picked up? Would he even pick up? Would you leave him a message? What happened last night? What was the end of his sentence?

“Hello?”

“Morgan?”

“Hey peaches,” he said. 

“What are you doing answering Spencer’s phone?”

“He’s in the shower?”

“Okay… but why are you there?”

“He called me last night, asked to talk a little bit,” he said. 

“What time was that?” You asked. 

“Around 2,” Morgan said. 

“Are you the one who brought me back home?” You asked. 

“Yeah. Found you passed out by his front door, cold and wet. Figured you could do with a bed,” he said. “You woke up a couple times but you were pretty drunk and pretty exhausted.”

“That explains it. Thank you,” you mumbled. “Listen, can I talk to him?”

“I don’t know if that’s the best idea,” Morgan said. 

“Derek, please,” you said. 

“Y/N… listen… he will talk to you, okay? I know he will. He’ll just do it when he’s ready. Neither one of us can push him to be ready when he isn’t. But I promise, he will talk to you,” Morgan said. 

“Morgan… just, tell him I’m sorry okay?” You asked. 

“I got you baby,” he said. 

“Thanks,” you said. You sniffled and hung up the phone, wiping the tears that had fallen down your face. You looked out your window from your bed and decided you had two choices. You could either mope around the whole day or you could be productive, and as much as you wanted to mope, you knew you couldn’t. 

You got out of bed and started the shower, hopping in to get a head start on your day. 

***

You were productive, to say the least. You did everything under the sun to make sure you didn’t think about Spencer anymore. It wasn’t even until work the next day that you saw him again. 

***

You walked into the BAU, taking your seat. You brewed some coffee and drank it silently. You’d gotten through only one case before JJ approached you. 

“Hey, we got a case. Conference room in 5,” she said. 

“Okay,” you replied with a small smile. 

You fathered your things and made your way into the conference room. 

“Hey, where you been?” Morgan asked you. 

“Oh, here and there,” you said. 

“Haven’t seen you in forever sweet cheeks,” he said, ruffling your hair a bit. 

You smiled at him. He smiled back for a second before it fell from his face. Instead, he cleared his throat and averted his gaze from the person behind you. 

“What?” You asked. 

You turned your head to see what he was reacting to and your eyes met Spencer’s. You didn’t say anything, you just swallowed thickly and licked your lips before turning back to Morgan. 

You looked back at Spencer and gave him a small smile which he thankfully returned. 

***

“Reid, I want you and Y/N to head to the house in case he goes back there okay?”

Spencer looked at you, not replying to Hotch. 

“Reid.”

“Yeah, Hotch. We got it,” you said. 

The team dispersed and you grabbed Spencer’s arm before he walked out of the room. 

“Hey,” you said. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Spencer, we’re about to chase a madman. We can’t afford you to not have your head on straight. So, I’m gonna ask you again, what’s wrong?”

“I’m fine. I promise. I just have some things to deal with,” he said. 

“Spence, if you wanna talk, I’m here. I’m sorry about what happened that night-”

“It’s fine. I’m all good. Let’s go,” he said, abruptly leaving the room. 

You exhaled silently before following him out of the room. 

***

“When we get to the house, no splitting up okay?”

“Y/N, we have to split up to cover more ground,” he said. 

“Spencer, if we split up, something could happen. It’s not a house that has a walkway all around okay? There’s a dead end on the backside.”

“We’ll figure it out when we get there,” he said, clenching his jaw. 

Sure enough, in a couple minutes, the two of you had reached the house. 

You climbed out of the car, making sure your vest was strapped on tightly. You pulled out your gun and approached the house. 

Reid followed you close behind, the two you stopping at the front door. 

You knocked on the door three times. “FBI, open up!” You yelled. 

Your eyes met Spencer’s. He knocked on the door again and said the same thing you did. 

You locked eyes again and just before he knocked the door down, you grabbed his arm. 

“What?”

“Listen,” you said. You heard a very faint clanging coming from inside. 

“He’s in there,” he said. 

“Spencer wait!”

Spencer kicked down the door and immediately rushed inside. You groaned in frustration as you debated what you should do. 

The clanging wasn’t coming from inside the house, it was coming from inside the small shed at the back of the house. That means the unsub’s best escape route just became either jumping over a ten foot fence or running back toward you because of the dead end. 

You hesitated for a second before turning around, splitting up from Spencer. 

You rushed around back to try and cut the unsub off but instead you drove him inside. 

“Reid watch your six!” You yelled. 

Spencer didn’t see him coming. The unsub slammed him to the ground, immediately pointing a gun to his head. 

“Put it down,” you said firmly, aiming your gun. 

When the unsub didn’t move, you repeated yourself, hoping to scare them. “I said put it down! Now!”

Instead, they clicked their gun, and you fired. 

You ran over to Spencer, helping him stand up off the ground. The paramedics arrived and took the unsub out of there. 

You turned around to face Spencer. “Thanks,” he said. 

You didn’t say anything back. Instead, you shoved him with both your hands and she stumbled backward. 

“What was that for?”

“Don’t play dumb with me Spencer Reid. I told you not to split up,” you said. 

“I didn’t! You did,” he said. 

“No, I told you to wait but your stupid ego had to induce reckless behavior and you went inside.”

“Hey,” he said firmly, walking up to you. “I was doing my job.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure taking a bullet to the head isn’t in the job description,” you said. 

“Don’t act like a baby, everything’s fine,” he said. 

“Yeah, but that could’ve gone very differently,” you said. 

“Well, forget about it now. It’s over and we got the guy so it’s fine.”

“Do not do that to me again Reid,” you said angrily. 

He moved even closer to you. 

“Or what? You’ll shoot me instead?”

You were fuming with anger as he stared at you. You saw the briefest drop in his gaze, barely noticeable, even for a profiler. His eyes moved to your lips for half a second, half a millisecond, even. 

Your chest was rising and falling deeply as you stared at him before grabbing his face and kissing him hungrily. He sunk into it as both your lips were bruised from the ferocity you kissed him with. 

You pulled away and felt a tear you didn’t even know was sitting in your eyes, fall. 

“Don’t do that to me again or I swear to god,” you said, hitting his chest lightly. 

“What?” He asked softly. “You swear to god what?”

You had calmed down a little bit, the kiss helping you get some of your anger out, but you were still incredibly upset. 

“Just don’t do it you dumbass,” you mumbled before leaving. 

Spencer watched as you walked away and you wiped the remaining tears from your face, your head down, and your eyes never leaving the ground. 

***

A week later, you had yet another case. 

“I’ll call you when I land. I’m really sorry,” you said into the phone. 

“No worries, I get it. I’ve been friends with Derek for as long as I can remember so I’m used to it. Just be safe. I’ll see you when you get back,” Alex said. 

You smiled to yourself before hanging up the phone and boarding the jet. You and Alex had gone on another date and you were… happy. He made you laugh and smile in a way you hadn’t in a really long time. 

Of course, you had decided to make things a little more official, so you hadn’t slept with Spencer in a while. You kind of missed it, honestly. Alex was good in bed, there was no doubt about it, but there was just something about the way Spencer took over that was… incredibly intoxicating. 

You shook it off and opened your file as the team boarded the plane. You smiled at Spencer as he walked by and he gave you a small one back. 

Progress. 

***

At the end of the case, Penelope suggested drinks. Who were you to say no?

“I’m in,” you said. 

“Well, if pretty girl’s going, I’ll go,” Morgan replied. 

“Sure,” Spencer said. You were a little surprised he was planning to go. You guys had been a little off. He wasn’t mean to you, but he was different. He’d walk out of every room you entered; he’d barely speak to you when you were partnered. It was strange to say the least, but you let him have his own space. 

“I’ll go and so will everyone else,” Emily said. 

“But I-” Hotch started. 

“No buts. In you go,” you said, pointing to the car. 

“I’ll drive,” Spencer said. 

“Wow. No one’s ever volunteered for that. You okay?” Emily asked him. 

“Yeah. Not in a drinking mood but I’m in a socializing mood.”

You looked at him for a second with your eyebrows furrowed before turning away. 

“Okay, big guy. Whatever you say,” Emily said. 

“Let’s go let’s go let’s go!” Penelope yelled. 

***

At the bar, you ordered a couple round of shots for everyone and a drink each. 

You drank everything of yours incredibly quickly. Something about tonight just felt off and you solution was to drink as much as possible. 

“Let’s play spin the bottle!” JJ said. 

“JJ, we’re not 13,” you said. 

“Oh, come on, please? I only get to kiss one man for the rest of my life and as much as I love him, I need this,” she whined. 

You laughed and shook your head at the situation. You looked around for everyone else’s expressions. 

Your eyes stopped when you reached Spencer’s. Was he next to you? When did he end up next to you?

“Okay, fine, let’s play,” you said. 

JJ spun first and it landed on Emily. Both of them giggled an insane amount before finally kissing. It was just a quick peck but it was very cute to see. 

Emily spun next and it landed on Hotch who looked at her intensely before kissing her quickly. 

Morgan was next and his landed on you. 

“Oh, great,” you said. 

“Hey, I’m a good kisser,” he reasoned. 

“Prove it, and remember y name when you tell this story,” you said with a laugh. 

You just gave him a quick peck on the lips, it was just the first round after all. 

Hotch spun next and it landed on Penelope whose eyes grew extremely wide at the thought of kissing her boss. 

Nevertheless, she did it and received multiple pats on the back for it. 

Penelope spun and it landed on Rossi. Morgan made a couple jokes but overall, she handled it well. 

“Wow, you kissed dad and dad,” Morgan laughed. 

“I’m so fired,” Penelope breathed. 

Rossi spun and it landed on Hotch who rolled his eyes at how much action he was getting tonight. As the two men kissed, you all couldn’t help but erupt in cheers. 

Next was your turn and you spun it. It was spinning, and spinning, and it kept spinning until finally… it landed on Spencer. 

Your face grew red as you turned to face him. He smiled at you and cupped your face with his hands, not even hesitating to kiss you. 

You pulled away after a couple seconds, feeling a little flustered. 

Spencer spun the bottle and when it landed on you, your heart stopped. 

“Oh man, twice in a row. Gotta use your tongues now,” Emily teased. 

“Pretty boy is getting some tonight,” Morgan laughed. 

Spencer turned to face you. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

“It’s okay.”

“We don’t have to.”

You didn’t respond to him with words. Instead, you grabbed his face and let the scent of coffee take you over. You opened your mouth to let his tongue in as he did the same as he swept over your bottom lip. 

It was everything you had missed. You didn’t really know what got into you but you didn’t want to stop. It was only after Hotch cleared his throat that you pulled away. 

You looked around to see almost all of your coworkers staring at you. 

“So… who’s next?” You asked. 

***

At the end of the night, you all piled into the car for Spencer to drive you home. He dropped off Rossi, then Hotch, then JJ, then Emily, then Penelope, then Derek, and finally… you. 

You struggled to open the car door and stumbled out of it once the lock clicked. 

“Thank you,” you said, kind of slurring your words so Spencer was barely able to make out what you said. 

“Yeah, you’re welcome. Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” He asked. 

You lifted your hands off the car to give him a thumbs up but immediately started falling towards the ground. You slammed your hands back on the car to regain yourself. 

“I’m gonna take that as a no.” He turned off the engine and walked over to you. He took one of your arms in his hand and placed his other hand on the small of your back, guiding you up to your apartment. 

In the elevator, he kept an arm around your waist, and you placed your head on his shoulder, your eyes drooping. 

Once you got to the door, Spencer let you lean against him as he fiddled with your keys to open the door. 

Once you were inside, you immediately fell onto the couch and he had to drag you to your bed. 

“Why are you doing this?” You asked him as he helped you out of your dress. 

“Because this is what friends do,” he said. 

“But we’re not friends. We’re more than friends.”

He grabbed your pajamas and helped you into them before walking you over to your bed. 

“Okay pretty girl, we’re more than friends,” he said with a small chuckle. 

“I’m serious. I mean… I’ve seen your ding dong,” you said. 

“Yes, you have.”

“And you’ve seen my knockers. Doesn’t that make us more than friends?”

He tucked you into your bed, smiling. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess it does,” he said. 

You didn’t say anything as you closed your eyes. 

“I’m sorry for tonight,” you whispered. 

“What do you mean?” He asked, tucking you in a little tighter. 

“I mean, I kissed you. Twice. Two times.”

“Yeah, and? We were playing a game, it’s okay,” he said. 

“I know but still. I liked it. So, I’m sorry if you didn’t like it, you know?”

“Hey, I liked it, okay? You never have to worry about that.”

“Is that because you miss me?”

“Miss you?”

“Yeah, you know. Miss me. Miss the sex. Miss the cuddles,” you said. 

Spencer let out a chuckle. 

“Yeah. It’s because I miss you.”

“You don’t have to miss me you know. I’m not going anywhere,” you said. 

“Me neither,” he whispered. 

You paused again, taking a deep breath. 

“You’re the best friend a girl could ask for,” you said. 

“Thanks,” he replied, placing a glass of water and a trash can by the bed. 

“I love you 187,” you mumbled. 

Spencer turned around to face you, dropping to the ground to meet your face. 

He brushed a bit of hair away from your face, the back of his finger tracing your cheekbones. 

“I love you too,” he whispered. He kissed your head softly before exiting the room. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi here's the next part. this is so chaotic i can't i have no idea what gets into me. i honestly just want all the fluff and angst like right now so everything's jumbled. anyway i hope it reads okay. love yall <333 enjoy :))


	6. What Are You Hiding From Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> reader stays behind with Garcia to work on a case. she makes a decision that makes her question everything. she learns about feelings.

You strode into work a couple days later. You weren’t sure why, but you felt a little better than you had before. 

Maybe it was because you and Alex had finally decided you were together, and you’d really solidified your relationship. 

Maybe it was because you’d told him that you were doing friends with benefits but that you stopped. You didn’t tell him who, that seemed a little personal, but you told him, and you were happy. 

Maybe it was because you and Spencer were finally starting to be okay again. Sure, sometimes you ran into… situations where your solution would’ve been sex but, you were learning to handle them other ways. He seemed to have forgiven you for that night and so the two of you seemed to be doing okay. 

***

“For this case, we’re gonna need to have an agent here to work with Garcia,” Hotch said. 

“I can do it,” you replied. 

“Good, I was thinking the same thing. The two of you will run point from here while the rest of us fly to Boston. Wheels up in 30,” Hotch said. 

You closed your case file and got up, walking over to Garcia and doing a little handshake. 

“Looks like it’s you and me Pen,” you said. 

“Yes, my little butterfly. We’re going to have so much fun,” she said. 

You heard Rossi clear his throat. 

“All while, mourning the loss of lives and trying to solve murders, of course, sir,” she said. 

You laughed a little before throwing your arm around her shoulder and walking out of the room, giving Rossi a smile that he returned. 

***

The two of you sat in her bat cave, going over the files as she logged everything. 

You heard the dor open behind you and you both turned to see who it was. 

“Hey baby girl, pretty girl,” Morgan said. 

“Hey thunder,” Penelope said. 

“Hi,” you said, smiling at Derek. 

“Just came to check on you before we leave. You guys all good?” He asked. 

“Yeah, we’re all set,” Penelope said. 

“Good. I will see you two, when we get back,” he said, kissing both of your heads before leaving. 

A few minutes later, you heard another person open the door. 

“Hey,” you said. “What are you doing here?”

“I come bearing gifts,” Spencer said, holding three cups of coffee in his hands. “One for each of you.”

“Don’t tell Morgan, but you are my favorite,” Garcia said. 

Spencer chuckled. 

“Thank you,” you said, taking the coffee from him. 

He lingered for a moment, looking at the both of you. 

“Okay, out with it. What do you really want?” You asked. 

He paused for a moment, raising his eyebrows in hopefulness. “A donut from the donut stash?”

“A what from the where?” You asked. 

You turned to look at Penelope in disbelief who was giving Spencer a dirty look. 

“Secret donut stash. My bad,” he said. 

“You know, you’re lucky you’re cute,” Garcia said, giving him the donut he’d asked for. 

You saw his smile widen at the sight. 

“I can’t believe I didn’t know about this,” you said. 

“It’s a trusted secret. Only the greatest know about it,” Spencer said. 

“Well, I hate to break it to you 187 but you’re the one who just blabbed about it to me,” you said with a laugh. 

“I didn’t blab. I trust you to hold this knowledge with you,” he said. 

“I don’t believe you for a second,” you said. 

Spencer scrunched his nose and laughed. 

“I’m with her, I don’t believe you at all. But you brought me coffee, so I’ll let it slide,” Garcia said. She turned to face you before speaking again. “But I do trust you with it and now that you know it’s here, you can never tell another soul.”

“My lips are sealed,” you said, zipping them with your finger and throwing away key. You sipped your coffee as Spencer checked his watch. 

“Okay,” he said trying to finish his donut. “I should go.”

He walked over to the both of you, giving Penelope a hug and then you. 

As you wrapped your arms around him, you could’ve sworn you felt him place the softest kiss on your cheek before he pulled away. 

You shook it off. You must’ve imagined it, and even if you didn’t, who cares? It was just a kiss on the cheek. Derek kissed your head and that didn’t freak you out. Rossi kissed both your cheeks all the time. Why would this be any different from those?

“Call me when you land?” You asked. 

“Of course,” he said. He waved goodbye before walking out of the room. “Love you.”

Your eyes widened. You turned to face Penelope who was staring at you in shock. 

“Did he just-”

“No,” you said. 

“I think-”

“Nope.”

“But he-”

“Uh uh. He was… he was talking to both of us,” you said. 

“Oh god,” she whispered, pushing up her glasses. 

You couldn’t help but think the same thing. 

Oh god indeed. 

***

“Team just landed,” you said, turning to Penelope. 

“Reid called?”

“Uh, no. JJ did, actually.”

“Oh,” she said, turning back to her computer screen. 

“It’s not that Pen,” you said. 

“I didn’t say anything.”

You sighed to yourself, shook your head, and sat in the chair beside her. 

“Okay, so we’re looking at these four women, who all live in this area,” you said, pointing to a map on the screen. 

“Yeah,” Penelope said, pushing up her glasses again. 

“Okay, so, his comfort zone is established,” you said. 

“Yes. Yes, that’s a good point. I can narrow the map down and then expand it to view it in more detail,” she said. 

“Great.”

***

You sat working on the victims’ travel logs while Penelope found electronic information on them which she then gave to you. 

“I think we might have something here,” you said. 

“Talk to me my little pastry,” Garcia said. 

You turned to look at her for a moment. 

“Sorry. Reid made me hungry,” she said. 

You let out a small laugh before turning back to your case file. 

“Okay, so it seems like, each victim went to a bank the day before they died. Now, they weren’t the same building, but they were the same bank,” you said. 

“You think the company did something?”

“Or someone did something to the company,” you said. 

“Call Hotch,” she said. 

“Already dialing,” you said with a smile. 

The phone rang for a couple seconds before he picked up. 

“Hey, Hotch. I was looking at the victims’ travel logs. It seems like they all went to the same bank the day before they died. Not the same building but they all went to a bank called First Boston,” you said. 

“That’s good work. Do you know which buildings they all went to?” He asked. 

“Yeah, Garcia’s pulling them up right now,” you said. “It seems like, our first victim went to the one on 2nd street, the second victim went to the one on 4th, the third went to the one on 7th, and the fourth victim went to the one on 8th,” you said. 

“Good work,” Hotch said. 

“Thank you, sir. We will call you with anything else we find,” you said. 

“Good,” he said, before hanging up the phone. 

Penelope turned to face you. 

“What?” You asked. 

“Are we not gonna talk about what’s going on between you and Reid?”

“What do you mean? Nothing’s going on,” you said. 

“He brought you coffee. You told him to call you. He told you he loved you,” she said. “I mean, if that’s not something, I don’t know what is.”

“Okay, first of all, he brought us both coffee, because that’s what we do around here,” you said. 

“That’s a… a fair point,” she mumbled. 

“Second of all, I told him to call me because I didn’t go on this case. He happened to be in the room, and so I told him to call when he landed,” you said. “That’s just me looking out for the team.”

“Uh huh, okay, sure.”

“And third of all, he did not say he loved me. He said he loved us. He probably just got aught up in his donut, and it slipped out. He was just saying that because he loves us, as friends,” you said. 

“Sure. Sure. Right, yeah, mhm, of course,” she said. 

“You sound unconvinced,” you said. 

“What gave me away miss profiler?” She said sarcastically. 

You rolled your eyes at her slightly before laughing. 

You took a breath before continuing. 

“I’m serious, Pen. Nothing’s going on,” you said. 

“Are you sure?” She asked. 

“Yes, I’m sure. I’m in a relationship, Garcia. A committed relationship and I’m happy.”

“I know. I know, I just… I don’t know. Sometimes I with you guys had worked out,” she said. 

“There was nothing to work out Pen. We didn’t date, we just slept together a few times. No one… felt anything,” you said. 

“Right, yeah. Uh huh. No one felt anything,” she said nervously. 

“What are you hiding from me?”

“Huh? What?”

“Garcia… what are you not telling me?” You asked. 

“Nothing,” she said. 

You raised your eyebrows at her. She opened her mouth as if to say something but closed it immediately when she got a phone call. 

“Speak to me my angels,” she said. 

“Hey babygirl, I need a favor,” Morgan said. 

“Anything,” Garcia replied. 

“I need you to look into any other banks that reside in Boston. Look for ones that have locations close to the First Boston banks,” he said. 

“Okay, got it. I will hit you back when I have something,” she said. 

She hung up the phone and typed away, her fingers flying across the keyboard. She narrowed her focus on the screen and you knew you had lost your chance. 

You sighed and walked back over to the case file, reading over it for what must’ve been the seventeenth time. 

You furrowed your brows when you saw something strange. 

“Hey, Garcia?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you find a bank called Boston Bank?” You asked. 

“Uh… yes, actually. I found three banks, and that’s one of them.”

“That’s the one we need to focus on,” you said. 

Garcia dialed Morgan’s number again to give him the update. 

“Tell me you’ve got something for me,” he said. 

“Of course I do, who do you think you’re talking to,” she said with a smirk. You could imagine Derek smiling on the other side. 

“Okay, I found three banks that are in your area that have locations similar to First Boston. I’ve just sent them to your phones,” she said. 

“Morgan,” you said. 

“Yeah, you got something?”

“I think we need to look at Boston Bank. I did an employee search, and it seems like all the husbands worked there at some point. They’re all ex-employees but they had a maximum of three years overlap,” you said. 

“That’s good work Y/N. Garcia?” Hotch said. 

“Yes sir?”

“I want you to take what Y/L/N is saying and look at the employee records for those three years. Look at lower level, menial jobs. This unsub isn’t a higher up. He’s probably got a cubicle, not an office, and he probably hasn’t been promoted recently so look for those who have kept the same title.”

“Yes sir. Anything else?”

“Cross of the women, the unsub is male, white, mid-30’s to mid-40’s. Apply those filters and get back to me.”

“Absolutely,” she said. 

Hotch hung up the phone and Garcia started typing in all of her search parameters. 

It took a couple of minutes but eventually her screen revealed two names. 

“Garcia get me addresses,” you said, dialing Hotch. 

“Hotch, we got two names. Jason Carter, lives at 421 Creek Drive and Damon Matthews, lives at 69 Park Avenue,” you said. 

“Got it,” he said. 

You hung up the phone and sat back in your chair. You didn’t realize how much your legs hurt. 

“Your job is a lot harder than it looks,” you said with a laugh. 

“Oh, I know honey, and you haven’t even tasted the pressure yet,” she said with a wink. 

You chuckled before turning to face her. 

“Hey,” you said. “What weren’t you telling me earlier?”

“Oh. That,” she said. 

She bit her nails for a few seconds before turning back to look at you. 

“Look, I… I know you’re happy now and I don’t want to ruin that,” she said. 

“How is this gonna ruin my happiness?” You asked. 

“It will. Trust me. Maybe not now, but… at some point, it will.”

You sighed to yourself as your phone rang. 

“We got em,” Hotch said. 

“Great. Is everyone okay?”

“Yes, we’re all fine.”

“Perfect. See you guys when you get back,” you said, hanging up the phone. 

“Well, they got the guy,” you said. 

“That’s good,” Penelope said with a smile. 

You gave her a small one back, your mind still wondering what she was hiding. 

***

The two of you sat in the back room for a couple hours before the team came back. When they did, Derek walked in, giving you both hugs. You followed him into the bullpen, greeting everyone else. 

“You did good work today, despite not being in the field,” Hotch said, offering you his hand. 

“Thank you sir,” you said, shaking it. 

Rossi came up to you and kissed your cheeks. “Missed you kiddo,” he said. You gave him a small smile before he headed up to his office. 

You gave Emily and JJ quick hugs before walking over to Spencer. 

“Hey,” you said. 

“Hey,” he replied. 

“Everything go okay?” You asked. 

“Yeah. Yeah, we got the guy so…” he said. 

“Right, yeah. That’s good,” you said. 

Spencer gave you a small smile before walking to his desk to grab his things. 

You turned to face Garcia. 

“I don’t suppose your little secret has anything to do with him does it?” You asked. 

“What? No. Of course now. What?” She asked, in a high-pitched voice. 

“Garcia, I love you, but even if I wasn’t a profiler, I’d be able to tell you were lying,” you said. 

“I’m sorry. I just want you to be happy,” she said. 

“I am happy. Nothing you say is gonna change that,” you pleaded. 

“Okay… I’ll make you a deal. I’ll write it down on this piece of paper. If you want to look at it, fine. But you can also choose to ignore it,” she said. “It’s up to you.”

You nodded your head as she scribbled her secret down, folding up the piece of paper and handing it to you. 

You took it from her, tucking it into your pocket. 

You smiled at her as she walked away and you thought about what the note could possibly say. 

***

You couldn’t sleep. You’d actually gotten back from work at a reasonable hour and you still couldn’t sleep. 

You turned to see Alex lying next to you, deep in his dreams. You looked at your clock. 4:12am. 

This was a bad idea. 

You took a few deep breaths before opening the top drawer of your night stand. 

This was definitely a bad idea. 

You pulled out the slip of paper Penelope had given you a few weeks ago. 

You shouldn’t do this. 

You played with the edges of the paper for a second before undoing the folds. 

You definitely shouldn’t do this. 

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again to read the note. 

Too late. 

Your eyes scanned over it. Once. Twice. Three times. You tried to make sense of it but you couldn’t. There was no logical explanation. You folded it back up and put it in the top drawer again as you closed your eyes, trying to ignore it. 

Maybe if you pretended you didn’t read it, you wouldn’t think about what it said. 

But when you closed your eyes, it’s all you could see. Words in the darkness in Penelope’s cursive handwriting. 

***

He told Morgan.  
Morgan told me.  
He’s in love with you. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys here's the next part. this is a very case heavy chapter lol but i promise i'm working on more for yall. enjoy. love you always <333


	7. What Else Would It Be?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> reader hears things straight from the horse's mouth

“No,” you said. “No.”

You were pacing up and down Garcia’s back room. 

“I can’t believe you read the note,” she said. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that sooner. I mean I think that’s something I deserve to know,” you said. 

“I didn’t think it would help. You’re happy in your relationship. I didn’t want you getting confused,” she said. 

“Confused? I’m not… I’m not confused I’m… I’m… I don’t know what I am,” you said. 

You sighed and leaned against the table on the wall. 

“Maybe Morgan misunderstood what he said. Yeah, that’s probably it,” you said nodding your head. 

Penelope stared at you in disbelief. 

“You know ignoring the problem doesn’t make it go away.”

“Shh, it seems to be working so far,” you said. 

She walked over to you and placed a hand on your shoulder. 

“Hey,” she said. “Just forget about it. It’s probably from a really long time ago and he’s probably moved on. Just focus on Alex okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. You’re right,” you said. 

The door to the back room swung open as Derek walked in. 

“Hey, we got a case. Hotch wants us in the conference room” he said. 

“Oh, yeah, gimme two minutes I’ll be there,” you said, a little flustered. 

“What’s going on with her?” He asked Garcia. 

“She knows,” Garcia said. 

“Knows what?” He questioned. 

“No. Derek. She knows,” she said. 

“Oh my… you told her?”

“Not exactly. I wrote it down on a piece of paper which she chose to open.”

“You opened it?” He asked you. 

“Well, how was I supposed to know what was on it?” You asked. 

“Know what was on what?” Spencer asked, standing in the doorway. 

The three of you nearly jumped. 

“Wow. Tense room,” he said. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, Morgan was telling me about the case,” you said. 

“Yeah and… she… picked up an old camera off the subway,” Morgan said. 

“Did you know the average subway in DC has 30 CFU? A CFU is a colony forming unit, it’s a term used in microbiology to estimate the number of bacteria,” Spencer said. 

“That’s a lot of bacteria. I don’t know why anyone,” you said, shooting Morgan a look, “would pick something up off the ground there.”

“Well… that’s what I said. I said there’s germs and that’s why she was like how was I supposed to know,” Morgan said, nodding his head. 

You looked at him angrily. For a profiler, for an FBI agent, for someone from the streets of Chicago… he was terrible at lying on the spot. 

“Right… well we have a case, I just came to tell you, but I guess you already know,” Spencer said. 

“Yeah, we’ll be right there,” you said. 

He gave you a small smile before heading out of the room. 

***

“Okay, we’ve got 3 victims,” Garcia said, pulling up images. 

“Oh my god,” JJ whispered, turning her head away. 

You winced looking at the gruesome pictures. 

“I know they’re hard to look at, I didn’t want to put them on the screen but… Hotch made me,” Penelope said. 

“Okay, okay. So, umm, the unsub crosses racial and… and gender lines. That’s… that’s interesting,” you said. 

Your leg was bouncing up and down like crazy. You didn’t even realize you had been doing it until your knee hit the table and you bit your lip to keep from screaming out in pain. 

“Yeah… and each victim came from a different socioeconomic background,” Morgan said, looking at you with furrowed brows. 

“Wow, this guy’s all over the place,” Prentiss said. 

“But the victims are placed with their arms crossed over their bodies. Maybe a sign of remorse?” Rossi said. 

“Well, whatever the case, I can work the geographical profile, I’ve got the points I need for it,” Reid said. 

“Great. You get started on that, update us on the place. We need to be in Denver in the next couple hours so wheels up in 30,” Hotch said. 

Everyone got up to clear out of the room but Hotch pulled you aside before you had the chance to leave. 

“Is everything okay? You seem… fidgety,” he said. 

“Yeah. Everything’s fine,” you said with a smile. 

“Okay,” he said, looking at you before exiting the room. 

You grabbed your file and walked out before you heard your name called. 

“Hey,” Morgan said. 

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Are you gonna be able to keep your head on straight?” He asked. 

“Of course I will, why?” You asked. 

“Because you seem to be a little… anxious,” he said. 

“I’m not anxious I’m… I’m… disturbed you know? This unsub is… merciless,” you said. 

He looked at you like he didn’t believe a single word you had just said. 

“Look, I’m just saying, don’t let it get to your head okay? Not now,” he said. 

“Yeah, I know. I got it. I’ll focus. I can do that,” you said. 

He gave your shoulder a small squeeze before leaving. 

You took a deep breath. 

You could do this. Just avoid him. Don’t think about it. How hard could it be?

***

“Wait for backup. This unsub is extremely deranged, and he will not hesitate to kill you,” Hotch said. 

“I know, Hotch. We’re waiting outside, just doing surveillance,” you said. 

You hung up the phone and turned to Morgan next to you. 

“Hey,” you said. 

“What’s up?”

“I know I shouldn’t be thinking about this right now but I can’t help it,” you said. 

He sighed and leaned his head back against his seat. 

“I just… I don’t know if it’s true right now… you know? I mean what if he said it months ago and he’s over it?” You said. 

“Is that what you want?”

“I don’t know what I want,” you mumbled. 

“Y/N… look, Alex is one of my best friends, but even if he wasn’t, I’d still tell you the same thing. You need to figure out how you feel or you’re going to hurt both of them,” he said. 

You closed your eyes and let out a shaky breath. 

“Alex has called me so many times, telling me how happy he is that I introduced the two of you. He’s head over heels for you,” Morgan said. “And why shouldn’t he be? You’re an amazing girl.”

“Thanks,” you whispered. “I don’t feel amazing.”

“I know. I know, but that’s because you’re confused. You need to take some time, figure out what you want… because if you don’t… no one’s gonna be happy.”

You sniffled slightly before turning to face him. “You know, you’re very wise for your age,” you said with a small chuckle. 

“Are you calling me old?”

“No. I’m calling you wise,” you said. 

Morgan laughed and kissed the top of your head. “Focus on yourself first,” he said. 

“Thanks,” you replied. 

You gave him a small smile before turning back to the house you were watching. 

***

Once the other members of your team had arrived, you got out of the car. 

“Okay, we’re going to send two agents in,” Hotch said. 

“I got it Hotch,” Morgan replied. 

“Yeah, I’ll go with him,” JJ said. 

“No. No, we need certain people,” Hotch said. “We can’t send in any alpha males or the unsub will think he’s being challenged, and he’ll kill to prove his dominance.”

Everyone’s eyes turned to Spencer. 

“What?” He asked. 

“Reid… I need to know if you can do this,” Hotch said. 

“I can do it, Hotch,” he said. 

“Okay,” Hotch said. “We’re sending in Y/L/N with you. He’ll see a female as a subordinate and non-threatening.”

“Why me?” You asked. 

“Because you’re the best shot out of everyone, and if this goes the way I think it will… we’re gonna need our best shot,” Hotch said. 

You took a deep breath as you replayed his words in your head. You’re the team’s best shot. You got a perfect score on your marksmanship assessment every time. You had to be the one to go, and if you missed… it could be catastrophic. 

No pressure. 

***

“You guys ready?” Hotch asked. 

“Yeah,” you said, strapping your FBI vest on. “Ready.”

“I’m good,” Spencer said. 

“Okay. Good luck. Y/N… if you get the shot, and you sense any danger at all, take it.”

You nodded at Hotch and then turned to Spencer who gave you a small smile before walking into the house. 

“Jack Carson, FBI!” He yelled. 

He nodded at you and you kicked the door down. 

“Jack Carson. Hands where I can see them!” You said. 

“I’m in charge here!” The unsub yelled. “Now drop the gun. Drop it!”

“I can’t do that Jack,” you said. 

“Have you ever been in love, agent? Hmm?” He asked you. 

You held your breath. 

“That’s not really what this is about,” you said. 

“Ah, well let me tell you something. When you love someone, you do anything for them. You quit a habit, you join a country club, and sometimes… you even kill for them.”

“I’m not gonna ask you again, Carson. Drop the gun,” you said. 

He didn’t drop it. Instead, he inched forward, pointing the gun between you and Reid. 

“Hey, Jack, listen, I know you’re in charge here. I’m gonna put my gun down okay?” Spencer asked. 

“Reid,” you said firmly. 

“There. It’s on the ground okay?” He said. 

“What would you do for love, doctor?” The unsub asked. 

“I would surrender. Would you?” Spencer replied. 

The unsub smirked before answering. “No.”

He fired his gun, but not at Spencer, no. He fired at you. 

You returned fire immediately, hitting the unsub square in the chest. 

You looked down to see if your vest had caught the bullet, but you didn’t see anything. 

That doesn’t make any sense, his shot was direct. 

That’s when your eyes shifted to the ground, frantically searching for the bullet, the casing, any explanation. 

Your eyes widened when you found one. 

Spencer. 

“Oh my god,” you said, crouching down to help him. “I need a medic, Reid’s been shot,” you said into your comms. 

Spencer groaned slightly as you helped him sit up. 

“Hey, you’re gonna be okay,” you said. The bullet had hit him, but he definitely would’ve ben dead without his vest on. You put your fingers over the point of entry, trying to put pressure over the wound to stop the bleeding. 

“Oh god, this hurts like a bitch,” he said through his teeth. 

“Why did you do that?”

“Because you had the best shot. If you were hit, he would’ve gotten both of us.”

You opened your mouth to say something else before deciding against it. Instead, you just kissed his forehead as the medics finally arrived. 

***

You were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, cleaning the blood off your hands as everyone paced, waiting for the update on Spencer. 

“Hey,” Morgan said, sitting next to you. 

“Hi,” you said with a small smile. 

“You know this isn’t your fault, right?” He said. 

“Isn’t it? He took the bullet so I would have a shot,” you said. 

“No. Hey, that does not make it your fault,” he said, placing a hand on your knee. 

“Yeah, okay,” you said. You still thought it was your fault, but you really didn’t want to talk about it anymore. 

Morgan paused, sensing that you were lying but didn’t want to talk about it. 

You sat in silence for a few more minutes before you turned back to him. 

“Morgan,” you said. 

“Yeah?”

“Is he in love with me?”

“You already know the answer to that,” he said. 

“No, I mean, is he still in love with me?”

“Listen, he told me about it that night I went to his apartment and found you in front of his door,” he said. 

“But that wasn’t that long ago,” you said, shaking your head slightly in confusion. 

“I know,” he said. 

You put your head in your hands and closed your eyes. Spencer still loved you? Spencer was still in love with you?

Your phone ringing snapped you out of the spiral you were heading down. 

“Alex, hey,” you said. 

“Hey, you okay? I’m so sorry I just saw your message,” he said. 

“No, yeah, no I’m okay,” you said. 

“How’s Spencer?”

“Oh, uh, we’re waiting on an update.”

“He was shot?”

“Yeah,” you said. 

“What happened?”

“Oh, umm,” you started. You bit your lip. “The unsub just shot him. He was temperamental so…”

“Wow. Well, I’m glad you’re okay. Do you want me to come there?”

“No, it’s okay. I should be back soon hopefully,” you said. 

“Okay, see you soon,” he said. 

“Bye.”

Once you’d hung up the phone, the doctor emerged from the hallway. It’s like the universe had everything planned to a tee. 

“Spencer Reid?” They asked. 

“Yeah,” you said. 

“He’s stable. We were able to remove the bullet. He should be able to walk out of here in a few hours. He’s awake if you want to see him, but please keep it to a couple people at a time.”

“Thank you,” you said, following by everyone else saying the same thing. 

“Okay, we’ll go two at a time. The rest of us can wait out here,” Hotch said. 

“Actually, I think I’m gonna head home. Alex is waiting for me and I just… I’ll check on him later,” you said. 

Hotch nodded at you and you earned a few odd looks from JJ, Emily, and Rossi. Morgan and Penelope looked at you with concern. 

You bid your friends farewell and headed home. 

***

You decided you could go visit Spencer after dinner since he’d be back home by then. 

You finished your meal with Alex, kissing him on the cheek before heading over to Spencer’s. 

On the drive over, you didn’t really know what to expect. You were just going to check on him, as a friend. That couldn’t possibly lead to any uncomfortable conversations… right?

You knocked on his door, your heart racing as you waited for him to answer. 

“Hey,” he said, opening the door to let you in. 

“Hey,” you replied. “How you feelin’?”

“Like I got hit in the chest with a bullet,” he said with a laugh. 

You gave him a nervous laugh back. 

“Sorry I didn’t see you at the hospital. Alex-”

“I know. It’s okay,” he said. “Did you eat?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I just ate,” you said. 

“Okay. Want some wine?”

“I gotta drive back,” you said. 

“Right. Water it is then,” he said. 

“Actually, do you have any ginger ale? I’m feeling kind of nauseous.”

“Yeah. Sure. Everything okay?”

“Huh? Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I think seeing you get shot is just getting to me a little,” you said. 

“Wow, I didn’t know you cared,” he said jokingly with a laugh. 

“Of course, I care,” you said. 

He gave you a small smile. 

“I actually, uh, I can’t stay long,” you said. “I just came to check up on you.”

“Oh, well, I’m okay. Thanks,” he said. 

“Yeah,” you said. “I just, umm, I have one question.”

“Shoot.”

“Why’d you take the bullet?”

“I already told you, you’re the best shot on the team. I did it so you could take him down,” Spencer said. 

“No, I… I know that. I mean… is that all it was?” You asked. 

“What do you mean?” He asked hesitantly. “What else would it be?”

“Okay new question,” you said. 

“I thought you said there was only one,” he laughed. 

“Well, there’s 2 now,” you snapped. 

“I was kidding, sorry,” he said, his smile dropping. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

You ignored his question, getting straight to the point. “Did you catch feelings when we were sleeping together?”

“What?” He asked in bewilderment. “Did I catch feelings whilst sleeping with you?”

He didn’t answer the question. He repeated it. Defensiveness. 

“Yeah,” you said. “Did you?”

“That’s absurd. Did you?”

You looked at him for a second as you bit the inside of your cheek. 

“You’re not answering my question,” you said quietly. 

“Because it’s a ridiculous question,” he said. 

“Can you please just answer it, Spencer?”

“Why?”

“Just… please?”

You knew the answer. You just needed to hear him say it himself. 

“I don’t understand wh-“

“Spencer! Are you in love with me, yes or no?” You yelled. 

“Yes!” He yelled back. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall, hope you're enjoying this story so far. i got a little busy/unmotivated these last couple of days but i'm back. enjoy this chapter :))) love you guys <333


	8. Whatever You Decide... I Stand By You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi here's the next chapter. it's high key short but i hope you still enjoy <333

You held your breath as you stared at him, trying to process what he had just said. 

“No, I mean… I’m not… I didn’t…” he said. 

“You can’t be,” you whispered. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, walking toward you. 

“I gotta… I gotta go, Spen-Reid!” You said, quickly correcting yourself to his last name as if that would make the situation any less awkward. 

You walked out of his apartment faster than you had in your entire life, before he’d even had a chance to response. 

You sat in your car going over the events that had just transpired. 

Spencer Reid. Doctor. Profiler. Genius. Your best friend. He had just told you he was in love with you. What did that mean? How long has he felt that way? How do you feel? What about Alex?

Again, the universe hit with impeccable timing. 

You heard your phone ring and you nearly jumped as you reached to answer it. 

“Alex?”

“Hey sweetie. You doin’ okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. I should be home soon,” you said. 

“Can’t wait.”

You hung up the phone and started your car to drive home and deal with whatever it was you were feeling right now. 

***

On the drive, you must’ve been distracted an insane number of times because the honking you received was obnoxious. 

Thankfully, you got home okay, and when you did, Alex was there with open arms. 

“Hey,” he said. “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” you said dismissively. 

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. How’s Spencer?”

“He’s fine. Should be good for work tomorrow,” you said. 

“That’s good,” he said. 

“Yeah.”

Alex took your hand in his. 

“Hey,” he said softly. “You okay?”

You put on your best smile and nodded at him. “Yeah, I’m okay. I just…”

“What?”

“I was thinking we could move in together?” You blurted out. 

“You wanna move in together?” He asked. 

“Yeah,” you whispered. “You basically live here anyway.”

“Yeah, but we haven’t even said ‘I love you’ to each other yet,” he said with a small laugh. 

You winced at the sound of those three words. Those eight letters. 

You lifted your head to look at him. 

“Do you?” You asked, not sure if you wanted to hear the answer. 

“Do I what?”

“Do you love me?” You whispered. 

Alex stared into your eyes and furrowed his brows. 

“Yeah,” he whispered. “I do. I love you.”

You felt your words get caught in your throat. You didn’t know what to do in this situation. Two men love you and you know you feel love too, you just… don’t know who it’s for. 

You had to make a decision. You had to choose one or the other. Otherwise, you’d risk hurting them both and that would be worse. 

So, you made one. You made a decision. A decision that seemed like the best one in that moment, and only time would tell if you were right. 

“I love you too.”

Alex pulled you into a kiss, a passionate, all consuming kiss, and you felt… happy? You weren’t really sure. 

“You wanna go to bed?” He asked. 

“Yeah, but Alex… I’m kinda tired.”

“Okay. That’s okay,” he said, kissing your head. 

The two of you headed to bed together and you hid yourself under the covers. Alex wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close. 

You should’ve been happy. You were in a happy, healthy relationship, with someone you… loved? At least someone you liked. A lot. So why was your mind anywhere but in that moment?

***

You woke up the next morning, puffy eyed and tired. Alex had left for work already and you were supposed to be on your way any minute now. 

There was no doubt you were going to be late but you still did your best to get there as fast as possible. 

***

Once you were at work, you sat down at your desk, not really speaking to anyone. You had been late by at least twenty minutes. Hotch almost reprimanded you but after taking one look at your face, he decided against it. 

You kept your head down and did your work. You smiled and nodded at everyone who spoke. You drank coffee after coffee to make sure you stayed focused. 

It wasn’t until hours later that you looked up and noticed Spencer was missing from his desk. 

You walked up to Hotch’s office, knocking on the door slightly. 

“Come in.”

“Hey, Hotch,” you said. 

“Y/L/N… what can I do for you?”

“I was just wondering if, uh, if Spencer… I mean… Reid, had come in today?”

“No. He called in sick,” Hotch said. 

“Sick?”

“I told him he didn’t have to come in after being in the hospital. Yesterday he said it wasn’t a problem but last night he changed his mind,” Hotch said. 

“Oh. Okay. Thanks,” you replied. 

You went to leave his office when he stopped you. 

“Y/N.”

“Sir?”

“Everything okay?”

“Of course, sir. And I’m sorry about being late this morning. It won’t happen again,” you said. 

“I know,” he replied. 

You left his office, giving him a small smile, and headed back to your desk. 

You sat down and sighed to yourself, holding your head in your hands. 

***

Most of your day was spent staring blankly into space and it did not go unnoticed. 

“Hey butterfly. What’s goin’ on?” Garcia asked, approaching your desk. 

“Hmm? Oh, nothing,” you said unconvincingly. 

Penelope raised an eyebrow at you, looking unamused. She sat on your desk and waited for you to spill. 

“Spencer told me he’s in love with me,” you said. “And I don’t… entirely know what to do with that.”

“Honey, I’m sorry. I mean… I don’t know if that’s what you want. If it is… I support you and I’m happy for you but if your heart is pointing the other way…”

“I know. Thanks. I just… I don’t know… I thought I knew how I felt and what I wanted but now I’m just confused.”

“Hey,” she said, placing a hand on your knee. You turned to face her. “Whatever you decide… I stand by you.”

She smiled at you and rubbed your knee slightly before leaving. 

You sighed and sunk back into your seat while the stack of case files on your desk continued to grow. 

***

At the end of the day, you headed home. Everything was the same. You got in your car and took the same route home you always did. 

But when you turned off your car, you weren’t in front of your building. You were in front of Spencer’s. 

You mustered your courage and got up to his apartment, spending ten minutes outside his door, trying to convince yourself to knock. 

When you finally did, you were surprised he answered the door. 

“Y/N,” he said. 

“Hi. Uh, can I come in?”

He paused for a moment, looking at you before opening the door wider for you to enter. 

“Hotch said you called in sick. I just wanted to check on you,” you said. 

“I’m fine. Just decided to take it easy after… you know,” he replied. 

“Yeah.”

You took a seat on his couch and he joined you. You bounced your leg up and down nervously, biting the inside of your cheek. 

“Are you gonna tell me what you’re really here for?” He asked. 

Your eyes met his and you bit your lip. 

“Umm… to be honest… I don’t, I don’t know why I’m here,” you said. 

“Yes, you do… maybe not actively, but subconsciously… you do.”

“Spencer,” you said, tears threatening to spill. 

“You can just say it. I already know,” he said. 

“No… it’s not. I mean…”

He didn’t say anything to you. 

“Spencer, I… I just… I’m sorry,” you said. “But I can’t… I can’t be with you… not like that.”

You heard him sniffle a bit and you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eyes. 

“It’s okay,” he said. “Why would someone like you wanna be with someone like me?”

“Hey, no, that’s not it,” you said, instantly cupping his face. You brushed a tear on his cheek away before dropping your hands, remembering the situation. 

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. Don’t think like that. That’s not it, Spencer. You are… incredible. Anyone would be lucky to date you. Hell, they’d be lucky to know you,” you said. “I’m lucky enough to, and I think about it every day. Don’t put yourself down like that.”

He bit his lip, and you felt your heart break a little more. 

“I’m sorry,” you said. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

He didn’t say anything. He just sat there, tears welling in his eyes. Every so often, they would hit the couch and you could swear the sound of the droplet hitting a surface was the most heart-breaking sound you’d ever heard. 

“You should go,” he said after a minute. You could hear how scratchy his voice was. It’s as if he was a dam waiting for break, but he didn’t want to break in front of you. 

“Spencer-”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine. Just… go back to your boyfriend,” he said. His words didn’t sound harsh, they sounded… genuine. 

“I really don’t have-”

“Please. I just want you to be happy and right now… you’re not. So, please… go to the man that makes you happy,” he said. 

Your heart shattered into a million pieces as you stood up from the couch. You wanted to tell him that he made you happy. That he was still your best friend. But you knew that would hurt him even more and you couldn’t be selfish like that. So, you headed to his door and lingered for a second, just a second. But it was a second more than you should have. 

You opened the door and walked out, your sniffles drowned out by the click of your shoes. 

***

When you finally got home, you smiled at Alex. He’d started moving his things in little by little whenever he had time. 

“Hey baby,” he said. 

“Hi,” you smiled. 

“I thought you left work an hour ago. What happened?”

“Oh, how’s he doing?”

“I don’t think his gunshot wound is the problem,” you whispered. 

“What does that mean?” He asked with a slight chuckle, not really understanding the joke you’d made. 

“Nothing.”

“Hey,” he said, taking your hands. “What is it?”

His eyes searched yours as if the answer was hidden somewhere in them. 

“Yeah, I just…”

You looked at his eyes, your heart racing against your mind. You bit your lip. 

“I have to tell you something,” you said. “You might wanna sit down for this.”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for all the loveee. more coming soon lol i have the next chapter or two written but idk i'm still kind of editing things. also everyone needs a penelope garcia in their life. that's all. love you guys :)))

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys so this is my first fwb fic! i'm excited but i will say i am a virgin and i have never written smut before. therefore, it is probably terrible and so i apologize for that but i hope you can look past it and enjoy the fic. love you always. <333


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